


I don't know how to tell you this...

by Vanilla_Lips



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Confessions, Crushes, Flirting, Lev is absolutely awful at confessing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, the poor child, what is he getting himself into?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:46:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28371105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla_Lips/pseuds/Vanilla_Lips
Summary: “Confess your feelings” They said. “It’ll be easy.” They said. “What could go wrong?” They said.A lot of things, Lev was about to discover. He could be rejected, socially isolated, or possibly endure the utter humiliation that comes with everyone knowing about your feelings except the one person you’ve been hopelessly trying to confess to.No, Lev is not having a very good week.---Alternatively,Lev is desperately trying to confess to Yaku, but he’s too oblivious to notice.
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 52
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

“He’s just so––” Lev made a strangled noise from the back of his throat, gesturing wildly with his arms. “You know?”

“Hot?” Inouka suggested from the other side of the bed. He’s lying on his back, several pages of notes and worksheets laid forgotten around him. 

“Considerate, sweet, kind,” Teshiro listed from the floor, flipping through a maths textbook. “What was the other one?”

“Cute.” Shibayama answered from across the room, sitting at a desk and scribbling away at his homework. He stopped writing as he spoke again. “ _Yaku-san is so adorable!_ “

“Don’t mock me.” Lev whined, rolling over to look at them. The four first years were over at Inouka’s house for a study session, but it had quickly been derailed by another one of Lev’s lovesick rants. 

“It’s hard not to when all you talk about is how desperately you’re crushing on him.” Teshiro said, and his comment was met by a pillow to the back of the head. Lev glared as he laughed. It may have been a true statement, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. 

“We’ll stop hearing about Lev’s feelings for Yaku-san on the day he dies, or perhaps when he finally gets the guts to confess.” Shibayama said, before giggling at his own comment. At first glance, Shibayama comes across as the shy and quiet type. Someone who’s reserved and polite, and he was, until you got to know him, and then you discovered his snide attitude. 

“Wait guys, amazing plan!” Inouka said suddenly. “Lev should confess to Yaku-san!” 

“What?” Lev said, sitting up abruptly. “Absolutely not!” There was nothing more anxiety-inducing than the concept of admitting his feelings to his upperclassman. Even the suggestion made his heart quiver. It was absolutely out of the question. 

“C’mon! Why not?” Inkouka asked. So many reasons, Lev thought, infinite reasons that he didn’t even know how to put into words, so he replied

“Because it would be embarrassing! Besides, I don’t even know if he’s gay.”

“He is.” Shibayama said absentmindedly. The three turned to him curiously, but he was still absorbed in his maths work, seemingly uninterested in their current conversation. 

“How do you know that?” Teshiro prompted. 

“I heard him talking to Kuroo about some guy he thought was hot in the change room once.” He twiddled his pen as he talked. 

“And you’re telling me this now?!” Lev shouted, and he just shrugged. Several thoughts rushed through his head. Who was he talking about? What kind of guys does he find attractive? If he really did like guys then that changed things drastically. It brought about the possibility that Yaku would not only be unnerved by his hypothetical confession, but he could also, unlikely, return his feelings as well.

Lev had previously been content with his affections towards Yaku. He had made peace with the prospect of meaning nothing to the older boy, of admiring him in secret and never wanting anything more. But if there was any chance at all that Yaku could like him back… 

Lev grabbed one of the decorative pillows off Inouka’s bed, cradling it in his arms as he squished it anxiously. 

“No no no, listen,” Inouka said, interrupting Lev’s spiralling thoughts. “This is a great idea! Lev gets the guy of his dreams, and we don’t have to listen to his love-sick tangents anymore! What could go wrong?” 

“A lot of things!” Lev cried. 

“A lot of things.” Shibayama echoed unenthusiastically. 

“Okay, but what’s the _worst_ thing that could happen?”

“He rejects me.” Lev said, paling further at the thought. 

“He rejects Lev and never speaks to him again, and then we have to listen to him cry about it.” Shibayama added dryly. 

“Oh, thanks.”

“He wouldn’t do that though. Yaku-san is really nice, he’d never want to hurt your feelings.” Inouka argued. 

“Oh, I see where you’re going with this.” Teshiro said, adjusting his sitting position to better join the conversation.” You’re trying to say that since Yaku-san is really nice and mature, he would let Lev down gently and wouldn’t be awkward about it.”

“Exactly!”

“So the worst case scenario would be getting rejected,” Teshiro continued, “but it wouldn’t be a bad rejection.” 

“But what if it _was_ a bad rejection?” Lev asked hesitantly. 

“Actually, the more I consider it the more it makes sense.” Shibayama said, turning around in his chair and leaving his homework forgotten. “Yaku-san is a very caring person, and also very responsible, so he would likely both reject you very nicely, and not let it affect your relationship on the court.” 

“I guess that makes sense.” Lev said quietly. But regardless of whether it was a bad rejection or not, a rejection is a rejection. Yaku could be as gentle about it as physically possible and it would still end in humiliation and heartbreak. 

“That’s perfect then! If the worst case scenario isn’t that bad, what’s stopping you from confessing?” Inouka asked. 

“My own cowardice.” Lev groaned, sinking his face into the pillow. 

“His own cowardice.” Shibayama said. 

“Would you stop repeating everything I say?”

“Cowardice is for… cowards.” Inouka fumbled, before recovering. “Come on Lev, you either pine over him forever or ask him out. Just imagine it, you, Lev Haiba, on a date with _the_ Yaku Morisuke.”

“You could hold his hand.” Teshiro said dreamily. 

“Share a romantic kiss.” Inouka winked at him, and Lev squeezed the pillow tighter, feeling his face heat up. 

“Okay, okay.” Lev said. “You’re kind of persuading me, but say that I was going to confess to him, how would I do it? I Have no idea with this kind of romantic stuff.” They fell into a short silence as the four of them mulled it over. 

“Leave a note in his locker?” Teshiro suggested. 

“Confessing through a note sounds pretty lame.” Shibayama said. 

“No I mean, leave a note telling Yaku-san to meet him somewhere to talk. That way he doesn’t have to do the awkward ‘ _Hey can I talk to you in private for a minute?_ ‘ routine.”

“Yes, genius!” Inouka shouted. “Someone grab Lev a pen and paper.” Lev began to panic. 

“Wait, I didn’t say I was actually going to do it!” This was all moving too fast. While it was true that he wanted to tell Yaku-san his feelings, he never considered the prospect of actually doing it. 

He always assumed it would be a spur of the moment thing. He was the kind of person to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, so realistically his feelings would have to come out eventually. 

Planning the confession meant he had to think about what he wanted to say. It meant stressing and agonising over the outcome, one which would very likely end in heartbreak. The three turned to him. 

“Oh come _on_.” Inouka moaned. 

“Just write the note anyway. You can change your mind later if you don’t want to do it.” Shibayama offered. 

“Do _it_.” Lev rubbed his lip in between his teeth, before submitting. 

“Alright alright fine, hand me the paper.” he released his grasp on the pillow and took the stationary, gripping the pen tightly as he considered what to write. It was just a note asking Yaku-san to meet him, not a confession, he reminded himself. It’d be easy. “Okay, so how about ‘ _Dear Yaku-san, I need to talk to you about something, can you please meet me in the courtyard after school._ ’ ?”

“No no no, you’re doing it all wrong!” Inuoka exclaimed. “Where’s the passion?”

“The passion?” Lev asked nervously. 

“The passion?” Shibayama echoed doubtfully. 

“It needs to be more romantic! If I got a note as bland as that I wouldn’t meet you.”

“It sounds like the kind of note that a stalker would leave in your locker to threaten you.” Teshiro commented. 

“And you’re not a stalker.” Said Inouka. 

“Or are you?” Shibayama asked. They looked at him. 

“I’m not a stalker.” He retorted. The three of them were usually quite fun to hangout with, but somehow whenever it got onto the topic of Lev’s affections for Yaku-san, they became insufferable. Or perhaps Lev was just more sensitive to their teasing, either way they were annoying. 

He sighed, flipping the pen over in his hand. _Be romantic_ he told himself, but that was easier said than done. Lev was bad at articulating his feelings, and the pressure of his friends watching only made it more difficult. He wouldn’t be true to his own thoughts, but he still wanted to be honest, so writing vaguely about his feelings was the best he could do. 

“Okay, so how about ‘ _Dear Yaku-san, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while, but I never had the courage to do so. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to confront these feelings of mine. Would you please meet me in the courtyard after school._ ‘ Is that passionate enough?”

“Ooh, I like it!” Inouka clapped. “It’s certainly sincere.”

“A little sappy, but it’s fine.” Teshiro smiled. 

“You should sign it as anonymous as well.” Shibayama said. Inouka gasped, gleaming at the idea. 

“It adds mystery! I love it!” Lev stared at the note in his hand. His friends were so enthusiastic about this, and they were being so supportive as well. Truthfully, he wanted to tell Yaku his feelings. He wanted to confess to him, to take him out on dates, hold his hand, kiss him, cuddle him, everything!

But he also couldn’t help feel terrified by the prospect of it, and there was a part of him that wanted to just forget about it all, to pretend that he never had any feelings and just be content with being Yaku’s teammate. Nothing more. 

He didn’t believe that Yaku could ever feel anything special for Lev. This self-doubt of his was absolutely crippling, like a thousand volts of electricity seizing up his muscles and keeping him in place. 

But, he thought, as terrifying as confessing would be, as inevitable rejection was, doesn’t he owe it to himself to try? Doesn’t he owe it to his friends, who, despite practically harassing him about this, are only trying to push him towards a result that he wants?

How long was Lev planning on letting his self-doubt be an obstacle in his life? How long was he willing to wait until he couldn’t stand it anymore? How many chances, how many opportunities was he going to let it ruin before he had the guts to overcome it?

“I’m going to do it.” He said suddenly. 

“Wait, really?” Shibayama asked, peering at him curiously. 

“Yes!” Inouka cheered, throwing his hands up and falling back on the bed. 

“Yeah, I’m going to confess to Yaku-san.” The decision was impulsive, and he didn’t give himself anymore time to stress over it. And now, after he had committed to this decision, he felt lighter. Terrified still, but also, excited. Deliriously so, almost. 

It was like his fear had changed from the crippling electric charge into an anxious and excited static that buzzed through his skin. It was painful still, but also new and interesting. 

He felt his lips tug into a grin and he jumped up and began pacing around the room, feeling the need to burn some of this restless energy pulsing through him. 

“I’m going to do this, I’m actually going to do it. Oh my god, I can’t believe––this is so exciting!”

“Yes! That’s the spirit!” Inouka cheered again. 

“I can’t wait for him to get rejected.” Shibayama whispered, and promptly got elbowed by Teshiro, but Lev didn’t care. He may have been spineless but he was also determined, and now that he had made up his mind, he was turning back. 

“Okay okay okay.” Lev said, jumping back on the bed. “I’m calm, I’m calm.” he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “But what should I say when he actually meets me?” 

“Just be honest, tell him how you feel.” Teshiro offered. 

“Be succinct, and clearly explain your feelings.” Shibayama advised. 

“And be yourself!” Inouka shouted. 

“I can do that!” Lev grinned. “This is it, I’m going to confess to Yaku-san tomorrow!”

There was a part of him that was still insistent that this would turn out horribly, that Yaku would reject him, ruining their friendship for good and resulting in his heartbreak. But there was a chance–a small, minuscule chance–that Yaku would return his feelings, and he wasn’t going to let his anxiety squander that chance. Besides, he had his friends by his side, helping him and guiding him along the way. 

What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutations!
> 
> Hello! This fic is officially the 10th story I've uploaded to AO3, and to commemorate this exciting occasion, I decided that I would challenge myself and write my first multi-chapter fic!
> 
> I'm very exciting for this one, I think the premise is really fun and I couldn't stop laughing when I was writing the outline for this, and I really hope that you'll enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it so far. 
> 
> This is probably going to end up around 8 chapters, though I can't really promise a timeframe for when the next chapter is going to be ready, likely sometime in the next week or so. 
> 
> So, as always, thank you for reading! If you have any comments/criticism/feedback I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, and hopefully I'll see you again in the next chapter!
> 
> Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

After last night’s declaration, Lev found it difficult to keep up his enthusiasm. He spent the whole night trying not to think about today, but the weight of the note in his bag served as a constant reminder of what was to come. Though, despite his nervousness for the confession, he felt a blossoming pride for his commitment to it, and his desire to see it through despite his fear. 

Lev and the other first years arrived at school a little earlier than usual this morning, intending to get to Yaku’s locker before he did. Lev’s stomach was knotted with anxiety as he slipped the note inside and ducked behind a wall with his friends in tow. 

“Okay everyone, act natural.” Inouka instructed.

“I don’t think we could look any less natural.” Shibayama commented, and it was true, the four of them didn’t look very inconspicuous huddled together beside the lockers. Though, before they could consider changing their position to something less suspicious, Yaku walked through the entrance, already wearing his practice clothes. 

“He’s coming!” Teshiro announced, and instinctively Lev turned away, his chest tightening as his anxiety spiked. 

“I can’t watch.” His nervousness was pooling like tar in his stomach, slowly leaching out and spreading it’s way through his body. It slid it’s way up his throat, making it difficult to breath. 

“He’s opening his locker!” Inouka announced, commenting on Yaku’s actions. “He’s reading the note! He’s… ripping the note… he’s throwing away the note––” 

“What?” Lev cried, and turned to catch Yaku tossing the paper out as he exited the building once more. 

“––Yeah, I don’t think this is going well.” He continued. 

“Definitely not.” Replied Teshiro, whose expression was halfway between confusion and worry. 

“Well that was… unexpected. He looks really pissed.” Said Shibayama. 

“Well, come on!” Urged Inouka, grabbing Lev on the arm and pulling him forward. “We have to follow him.” The four of them rushed out of the school building and followed Yaku down the path. 

Meanwhile, Lev’s head was swarming with thoughts. Why would he throw the note out? Didn’t he like it? Oh god he hated it didn’t he––

Yaku stormed into the change room up ahead, and the four followed a few moments later, walking in to catch the second half of what appeared to be a heated rant. 

“––the absolute nerve of some people, I swear! I bet it was Nakamura from class 3-3, what a prick.” He had his back to them and was rattling on passionately to Kuroo, who was half dressed and looking rather perplexed. 

“Really? Are you serious?” He asked, slipping off his school shirt. 

“Yeah, I have half a mind to go tell him off myself!” 

“Hey, what’s going on Yaku-san?” Lev asked cautiously. The two third years turned at the sound of his voice, and he finally got a chance to see Yaku’s expression. His face was flushed, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. Lev had never seen him so worked up before. He pursed his lips at the question. 

“Someone left a fake confession in my locker, as if I’d fall for something that stupid.” Yaku huffed and crossed his arms, as if attempting to quell his anger. Lev’s mouth went dry. 

“Oh yeah…?” Inouka said, glancing at Lev nervously. The first years shifted awkwardly. 

“Ridiculous, honestly.” He turned around, seemingly finished with his frustrated rant, and Lev spoke quickly, fumbling over his words. 

“But um… how do you know it was fake?” Yaku wrinkled his nose as he dug through his gym bag, pulling out his volleyball shoes a moment later. 

“You should have read it, sickenly sweet and sappy, no one with half a brain would write something like that.” Lev felt a pang in his chest. Okay, that hurt. 

“Yeah, but…” Lev cleared his throat. “Like, how do you know for sure it wasn’t real?” Yaku looked up at him again, eyes furrowed. He was obviously tired of this conversation. 

“Someone pulled the same prank in my first year.” He replied bitterly. “I’m not falling for that again.” Kuroo looked between the two of them quizzically, as if trying to figure out a puzzle. They made eye contact, and realisation lit up his features. 

“I’m going ahead to the gym.” Yaku said to no one in particular, before heading out of the room. Kuroo watched him leave before turning his attention back to Lev, lips pulled up into a grin. 

“I’m gonna head off as well.” Kuroo said, slipping on his jacket and heading towards the door. He paused as he passed Lev, patting him on the shoulder. “Good luck with that.”

\-----

“This is _not_ funny.” Lev snapped for about the third time that morning. The four of them were sitting on the gym floor, warming up and stretching before practice, and they hadn’t stopped laughing since the incident in the change room. 

“C’mon, it’s a little funny.” Inouka said, wiping the corner of his eye. Lev glared in response.

“What part of this is funny? The part where I expressed my feelings so horribly that Yaku-san thinks it’s a joke?” He whispered it sharply, but the rest of the team was out of hearing range regardless. 

“On the bright side,” Shibayama offered, suppressing a giggle. “It’s a good thing that you didn’t end up signing your name on it.”

“That would have been embarrassing.” Teshiro chuckled, reaching out to touch his toes. 

“Yeah, well speaking of embarrassing,” Lev said, feeling his shoulder muscles tighten as he stretched them. He let out a small grunt with the effort. “Now Kuroo-san knows that I’m trying to confess to him.” He trusted Kuroo enough not to tattle on him, but he knew his captain well enough to know he was going to take this opportunity to tease him mercilessly. God, this whole confession business was supposed to be easy and it was already falling apart. Inouka stood. 

“Hey, it’s fine.” He said, offering his hand to Lev and helping him to his feet. “So the note didn’t work, whatever, we’ll just come up with some other way to confess to him.” He gave Lev a confident grin, and it eased the tension in his body a bit. 

“Yeah, alright.”

\-----

It was lunch time when Inouka and Shibayama appeared at the door of Lev’s classroom, eyes gleaming with mischief, and his heart faltered. As the two of them pulled up a chair beside them, Lev and Teshiro exchanged a dubious glance. 

“A pick up line!” Inouka announced, and grinned at him as if his statement spoke for itself. 

“...A pick up line? Lev prompted tentatively, onigiri half raised to his mouth. 

“It’ll be perfect! It’s something that’s short and sweet, really romantic, _and_ you’ll come across as incredibly charming.” The idea sounded ridiculous, but Inouka’s excitement tended to rub off on people, and his wholehearted confidence in this idea was starting to persuade Lev. At the very least, he was curious.

“We were thinking that you were probably having trouble thinking of conversation starters or ways to lead into a confession,” Shibayama paused to shove some chips in his mouth. “So a pickup line would be easy for you since you just need to memorise a short phrase.” Lev was touched by their consideration. It almost made up for them making fun of him this morning. Almost. 

“Okay, yeah, I think I could do that.” He nodded, placing the onigiri back in his lunch box. “But I don’t know any pickup lines.” The group thought for a moment. 

“ _Are you from Tennessee, because you’re the only ten-I-see._ ” Shibayama suggested. 

“Where’s Tennessee?” Lev asked. 

“No idea.” He replied. “But Yaku-san is really smart, so he probably knows.” That made sense, but Lev found it a little too confusing for his tastes. 

“How about _If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?_ ” Teshiro said. 

“Sounds a little existential honestly.” Shibayama said. “Where’d you pick that one up? One of your K-dramas or something?” He shrugged in response, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

“Ooh! How about, _are you a fish? Because you’re totally a catch!_ ” Inouka proposed. 

“I think that’s a little too cheesy.” Lev giggled. He lifted his juice box to his lips, taking a long sip of the fruity drink. 

“Agreed.” Nodded Teshiro. 

“Well, what kind of pickup line do we want then?” Inouka asked. 

“Yaku-san would probably like something witty and smart,” Shibayama glanced in Lev’s direction. “But I don’t think that’s really in character for Lev.” He put down his juice box. 

“I appreciated your confidence in me.” Lev retorted. 

“I think what he was trying to say is that a really intelligent joke isn’t really in line with your personality. So, if Lev is being true to himself, what kind of pickup line would he use?” Teshiro turned towards the group. 

“Something goofy!” Inouka replied. 

“Something really sweet.” Shibayama suggested. 

“Okay then, so can anyone think of any sweet and goofy pickup lines?” They took a moment to consider it, before Teshiro spoke again. “ _If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber!_ ”

“I like that one!” Lev exclaimed. 

“Really?” Shibayama said. 

“It’s _very_ Lev.” Inouka complimented. “Besides, you think he’s really cute right? Then this is the perfect way to convey that!” 

“Yeah! Okay, so when should I say it?” he asked. 

“You’re practicing your receives with him this afternoon right?” Said Teshiro. “Do it then.”

\-----

Lev was nervous the entire warmup, and his jitters only got worse and they moved onto individual practice. Him and Yaku were on the side of the court, next to the second years who were practicing their spikes, and Lev could not get himself to think straight. 

“So you wanna make sure that your forearms are close together like this…” Yaku explained, holding Lev’s arms as he moved them into the correct position. Yaku’s hands were small and warm, and as he moved his hands away, fingertips grazing the length of his arm briefly, Lev thought he was going to combust. They moved onto passes, and Yaku continued to instruct him. 

“Bend your knees a little lower––yup, perfect.” He praised, smiling at him when he got it right. A lot of people probably saw Yaku as a bit of a hardass. He was strong willed, passionate and fiery, and he certainly had a temper if you rubbed him the wrong way. Lev would know, considering he had been on the receiving end of Yaku’s frustration numerous times. But, he could also be incredibly soft and gentle, and it was moments like this––smiles like _this_ ––which sent Lev’s heart racing. He blurted out

“H-hey Yaku-san, um, are you a cucumber? Because you’d be a vegetable.”

**Fuck.**

Yaku paused, catching the volleyball and quirking his head to the side questionably. He had an amused expression on his face. 

“Yeah? I would be? Is that some kind of trick statement that I’m not understanding? 

“N-no, bad joke, don’t worry about it.” He lied. Yaku shook his head. 

“First years have the strangest sense of humour, I swear.” There was laughter nearby, and Lev felt his entire body tense up. He turned, and his eyes widened with horror as he discovered the second years watching them. Kenma was staring at him curiously, his analytical eyes examining Lev carefully. Fukunaga was beside him, his expression rather neutral as always, but his eyes gleamed with amusement, and with them was also Yamamoto, who was bent over and practically howling with laughter. 

“What are you guys laughing about?” Yaku asked, and Yamamoto composed himself. 

“Oh... nothing.” For a moment, Lev had hope that it may have been a coincidence. Perhaps they had been laughing at something else? One of Fukunaga’s jokes, a funny anecdote of Kenma’s, maybe someone across the gym had fallen in a comedic way. _Any other reason beside himself._ Then Yamamoto gave him a knowing grin, and Fukunaga winked as they turned and resumed their practice, and Lev’s fears were confirmed. Dammit. 

\-----

During his walk home with Yaku, Lev reflected over the events of the day. Not only had he screwed up two seperate confession attempts, but he had also managed to alert four of his teammates about his feelings. At this rate, everyone on the team except Yaku was going to know about his crush, which was the exact _opposite_ of what he wanted. 

“You’ve been rather quiet today.” Yaku observed. He was texting in one hand, thumb quickly tapping the phone screen. 

“O-oh, have I?” Lev stammered, feigning ignorance. Of course he knew he had been quieter today, in actuality he’d been too nervous to talk to him casually, especially after his failed confessions attempts. He didn’t think Yaku would have noticed though. He turned off his phone and slipped it into his jacket pocket. 

“Yeah, you’re usually really chatty on our walks home. Something on your mind?” Yaku stared up at him, expression soft and open. It was an invitation, Lev realised. _You can tell me about it if you want to_ he was saying, and Lev’s stomach only fluttered at the sight of it. 

“Yeah… something like that.” He replied thoughtlessly, completely encapsulated by the gentleness of his gaze. Yaku didn’t look away immediately, searching Lev’s expression for something. Lev took this as an opportunity to admire Yaku’s face. He had such a pretty jawline, soft and curved, he wanted to reach out and trace the shape of it with his fingertips, to cradle the sides of his face in his hands and brush his thumbs over his cheekbones. Yaku finally nodded and turned away, and with the trance broken Lev’s thoughts caught up to speed. He cursed himself silently. 

_Something on your mind?_ That was the perfect opportunity to tell him! Could Yaku stop being so distractingly gorgeous for five seconds so he could get his thoughts in order?

As he was moping silently, the two approached the intersection where they part ways. 

“I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.” Yaku said, the light of the setting sun turning his almond eyes to honey, and Lev wondered how one person could look so gorgeous all the time. Yaku gave another smile and a lazy wave before turning and walking off. 

“Y-yeah, bye.” Lev mumbled. 

\-----

Lev’s phone chimed in his pocket as he entered his bedroom. He dropped his bag beside his desk, pulling out the device as he opened his wardrobe and rifled through a drawer for his pyjamas. It was a message from the first year group chat. 

**Ino: How did it go???**

Lev had stayed back at the gym with Yaku after practice, so he hadn’t gotten a chance to tell his friends about what happened. He groaned, sitting on the edge of his bed. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it. 

**Lev~:Bad**

There was another message a moment later. 

**Tesh: What happened?**

**Ino: ???**

**Lev~:I messed up the line and he thought it was a joke**

**Shibby: lol**

**Shibby: did he laugh at least?**

**Lev~:Kind of?**

Lev stood up, slipping off his pants and shirt and changing. His phone chimed again as he pulled the shirt over his face. 

**Ino: You made him laugh! That’s good!!**

**Tesh: It could have gone worse**

**Lev~:Oh it gets worse**

**Shibby: ?**

He sighed as he typed out the message, debating briefly whether he should delete it instead, before clicking send anyway. 

**Lev~:Kenma and the other second years saw the whole thing, and they were laughing at me**

**Ino: Yikes**

**Lev~:It was so embarrassing**

**Shibby: lmao cheer up**

**Shibby: you didn’t actually get rejected or anything today**

**Ino: Yeah! I’d call that a success**

**Lev~:Wouldn’t a success be him actually accepting my confession?**

**Ino: Half success then!**

Lev rolled his eyes, though he was smiling slightly. Inouka, always an optimist. He considered telling his friends about his missed opportunity on the walk home, but ultimately decided against it. He’d rather keep that failure to himself. He headed over to his desk and pulled out his textbooks from his bag, setting up his homework whilst monitoring the chat. 

**Tesh: So what’s our next plan?**

**Shibby: we should probably try to do something more direct. I never realised Yaku-san was so oblivious before, it's obvious that subtlety isn’t going to work.**

**Ino: Good point! Any ideas?**

He rested his pencil between his teeth as he stared at his science homework, considering the question. They were doing chemical equations, but Lev had been having quite a bit of trouble with it in class, so he was a little lost at what he was meant to do. He glanced at his phone and almost bit off the end of his pencil. 

**Tesh: Maybe Lev should try being more forward and just ask him on a date**

His first impulse was to shoot down the idea, because there was no way he would be able to do that… but his friends did have a point. Yaku couldn’t pick up on hints, and Lev was absolutely terrible at giving them, so likely the only successful course of action would be just straight up asking him out. He typed his next message with shaky hands. 

**Lev~:What kind of date?**

**Ino: How about you take him out to dinner?? That would be really romantic!!**

**Shibby: i think that’s a little too serious for a first date, it needs to be more casual. Something fun so he’s more likely to agree with it**

**Tesh: How about a movie?**

**Ino: I heard there’s some new sci-fi movie that just came out, everyone at school has been talking about it! I bet he would really like it!**

Lev had heard people talking about it, though he didn’t know anything about the plot. What Lev did know was that Yaku loved science, so he was sure that Yaku would probably really like this movie as well. 

**Lev~:That sounds like a great idea!**

“Lyovochka! Dinner!” Alisa called from down stairs, startling him so hard he dropped his phone onto the desk with a soft thud. He shouted out a reply, taking a moment to calm his racing heart before beginning to pack up his homework. He’d been on edge ever since yesterday afternoon, and despite his exhaustion he couldn’t shake the anxiety bubbling quietly inside of him. 

**Shibby : yeah that could work**

**Lev~:I gtg, talk to you guys later**

Today’s confession attempts had been far from successful, with both Yaku’s obliviousness and the humiliation that came with the perceptiveness of his team mates. But, at the same time, he couldn’t deny that nothing that bad had really happened. So despite everything, he was feeling a little confident with their newest plan. Surely tomorrow’s attempt would work out better. He was buzzing with excitement just thinking about asking Yaku out, about the prospect of him actually agreeing to it and the date itself. Though, if he was being honest with himself, Lev wasn’t that confident that Yaku would accept. 

Regardless, he considered how he was going to do it as he ate with his sister. 

First, he needed to approach him and ask, though preferably not during club so there wasn’t the risk of an audience. He had to find him at lunch time, he decided. 

Second, assuming that Yaku agreed to the date, he needed to begin planning it. In the event that he didn’t agree…

Well, Lev wasn’t going to think about that possibility right now.

Today had been incredibly stressful, but he was feeling slightly more confident for tomorrow. Yup, he had a good feeling about this next confession!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> This is my little New Years present to you all. I'm feeling pretty good about this chapter, I was really hoping to get it over 3000 words and I was incredibly pleased when it turned out around 3350. If I had to describe this chapter in 3 words it would probably be "Lev's a simp"
> 
> As always, any comments/criticism/feedback/whatever is very much encouraged and appreciated, this chapter was hilarious to write and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!
> 
> Best of luck to you all going into this year! See you in the next chapter~


	3. Chapter 3

It was a Friday afternoon, the last class before lunchtime, and Lev had his head in the clouds. He was partially listening, nodding along to whatever the teacher was saying and half-heartedly scribbling down whatever she was writing on the blackboard, but otherwise his thoughts were completely elsewhere. 

More specifically, they were on Yaku and his next confession attempt. He was feeling good about this next one. His previous attempts had been failures, but he’d like to think that he’d learned from his mistakes and become wiser as a result. Yaku wasn’t going to pick up on subtle flirting or vague confessions, and Lev wasn’t smooth or coherent enough for pickup lines or love notes. This next attempt would be simple, straight to the point and clear. There was no way that Lev could fail, no way for Yaku to misunderstand him. Either Lev goes home with a date or a rejection. 

His eyes were drawn towards the window, cheek resting in the palm of his hand. He hadn’t started planning the date yet, he didn’t want to get his hopes up or get ahead of himself when rejection was a very likely possibility, but he allowed himself to fantasize about it for a moment. He imagined them watching the movie together, Lev’s arm wrapped around Yaku’s shoulders (he would have instigated it as a joke initially, but Lev wouldn’t lift his arm away and Yaku wouldn’t complain about it, so they would stay like that the entire movie)

He imagined them walking out of the theatre, hand in hand as they chatted excitedly about the movie. Yaku would say something witty and funny regarding the plot, and Lev would respond to it with a joke. They would continue to banter playfully as they walked to a ramen place for dinner. They’d sit outside in the cool afternoon air, the light of the sunset setting a romantic mood. They’d eat together, perhaps sharing a side dish, and they’d talk deeply about their passions, eventually leading to Lev’s confession. Yaku would be surprised, and he’d blush lightly, though truthfully they would have both been waiting for this moment all afternoon. Yaku would admit having feelings for Lev this entire time. They’d gaze at each other for a moment, before Lev would reach forward and grab his hand on top of the table, and they’d both lean forward––

The bell rang, jolting Lev from his thoughts so intensely that he knocked his notebook off his desk. They leaned down and picked them up bashfully as a few of his classmates laughed. When he sat back up, he could see Teshiro grinning at him in the seat beside him. The teacher dismissed them for lunch, and the room broke into chatting. 

“Daydreaming again?” Teshiro asked, packing away his notebooks and bringing out his lunchbox. He placed it neatly on the desk in front of him. Teshiro had a very meticulous way of doing things, from the way he moved to the way he spoke, everything was intentional, which likely contributed to why he was such a great server. Everything he did seemed to be so carefully thought out, which made Lev feel like a bit of a Klutz in comparison. 

“You could say that.” He replied sheepishly. Teshiro gave a glance at his bare desk. 

“Did you forget your lunch today?”

“Oh no, just… I’m so nervous I feel like I might throw up if I eat anything.” Lev gave the side of the desk a squeeze, feeling the need to ground himself. Teshiro nodded understandingly. He took a few deep breaths, trying to ease the tension in his chest and sooth the sick feeling in his intestines. After taking a moment, he stood from his seat. 

“I’m gonna go look for him.” But before he could take a set, by some bizarre coincidence, Yaku ducked his head into the classroom. He looked around, gaze passing over him passively before quickly ducking out again and rushing down the hallway. Lev was frozen in place by surprise, wondering for a moment whether he had imagined the whole thing, before quickly recovering. 

“Yaku-san!” He quickly darted out of the classroom in pursuit. Yaku was halfway down the hall, and Lev caught up with him quickly, stumbling as he attempted to match his fast pace. “Yaku-san! Can I talk to you for a moment?” He was carrying a large stack of papers in his arms, and at the sound of Lev’s voice he glanced over, though didn’t slow his pace. 

“I’m in a rush delivering something to a teacher at the moment, but if you talk quickly, yes.” Yaku swerved around a group of students, and Lev almost tripped over his own feet trying to keep up. Caught off guard by the pressure of the situation, Lev struggled to get the question out. 

“Um, s-so there’s this new sci-fi movie that came out recently, and I was meant to see it with Inouka but he bailed and… I was wondering whether you wanted to see it with me?” 

“Sorry, I saw that one with Kuroo last week, maybe some other––oh sir!” Yaku darted off into the crowd towards a teacher, completely forgetting about Lev. He slowed to a stop. 

“Yeah that’s… um… dammit.”

\-----

“Left!” Yamamoto shouted as he approached the net. Kenma obliged, sending the ball his way, and he hit it over powerfully. Lev went to intercept it, but the ball bounced off his arms and went out. 

“Sorry!” He apologised, and his team waved him off. 

“Lev! Keep your arms straight!” Yaku called from across the net. Lev nodded, and readied himself as Kai approached to serve.

Lunchtime’s confession attempt did not work out the way Lev was hoping, but, once again, it wasn’t a rejection. He was starting to wonder if this is what purgatory felt like. A constant state of waiting. A middle ground between rejection and acceptance, neither here nor there. At the very least, it was certainly testing his patience. 

Fukunaga, who was on Lev’s team, hit the ball over, and Lev tried to observe Yaku’s form as he received the ball. His arms were together tightly and perfectly straight. He had his knees bent slightly, and extended them as he made contact with the ball, cushioning it with his whole body and sending it in a perfect arch towards Kenma. 

“Kuroo spiked the set over, dodging Inouka and Fukunaga’s double block, but Shibayama managed to pick it up, though shakily. Teshiro ran under to intercept it, and Lev began to make his approach. 

“Centre!” He called, and Teshiro followed through. He leapt up from the back, swinging his arm quickly, but in the brief moment before his hand hit the ball, he could just make out Yaku moving to receive it. It was always difficult to get a ball through when Yaku was on the other team. Sometimes Lev wondered whether Yaku was paying special attention to him during the match with the sole purpose of not letting any of his spikes through. He wouldn’t have been surprised honestly. 

Whenever they did practice matches within the team, the rallies always lasted quite a long time. Understandably, considering that the team specialised in defense. Lev could be considered the weak link of the team in that regard, it wasn’t unusual for the rally to end in him messing up a receive. He was thankful that the team was endlessly patient with him, and didn’t particularly mind when he fumbled the ball. 

The rally ended with Lev’s team earning the point, courtesy of Inouka, and the game continued on. At some point during the match, Lev’s attention wandered over to Yaku, as it often did. He watched him from across the net, telling himself that he was just observing his receiving skills, but that excuse didn’t hold up as his mind quickly drifted away from volleyball. 

Yaku was a petite person with a small frame, so unless you were paying close attention, he didn’t look that muscular, especially compared to someone like Kuroo. He might not have been big, but his muscles were certainly tined, and Lev watched the movement of his thighs as he ran to intercept another spike. His eyes followed the length of his body, watching his arms receive a powerful spike from Fukunaga effortlessly. Yaku’s arms were so strong he wondered what it would feel like to be held by them. Really nice, most likely, he wished––

“Lev! Watch out!” Someone called, and before he could react, pain erupted in his forehead. The force knocked his head back so far that his legs fell out from under him, and he landed on his back with a heavy thud. The air rushed out of his lungs for a moment, before he coughed and was able to force a heavy breath in. 

“Ow…” He whined as the team crowded around him. 

“And that, everyone, is what you don’t zone out in the middle of practice.” Came Kuroo’s smug voice somewhere above him. 

“Oh man, I am so sorry.” Said Yamamoto, though he didn’t sound very apologetic. Lev sat up, wincing as his head throbbed with the motion, and he was met with a very familiar pair of thighs. Yaku crouched down to his eye level, eyebrows furrowed with concern. 

“Are you okay?” A lump appeared in Lev’s throat. 

“U-um,” He swallowed hard. “Yeah?” 

“Lev!” Came the gruff voice of coach Nekomata. “Are you alright? Everyone stand back and give him some space.” everyone moved away except Yaku, who stayed in place. 

“I think so…” he lifted his hand to his head, but pulled it away quickly when he felt another throb of pain. Nekomata frowned. 

“Alright, everyone take a water break. Lev, let’s get you over to the side and make sure you don’t have a concussion.” The team dispersed and Yaku stood, offering Lev his hands. 

“Can you stand?” Lev grabbed his outstretched hands hesitantly, and was surprised by how easily Yaku was able to lift him to his feet. He stumbled with the sudden motion, and Yaku grabbed his arm to steady him. “Careful now.” He said, and began leading him to the bench, one hand holding his and the other resting on his biceps. Despite the pain in his head, the only thing he could focus on was the sensation of Yaku’s hand in his and the fact that _oh my god he was holding Yaku’s hand. ___

__If all he had to do to hold Yaku’s hand was to get spiked in the head, he would have done it a long time ago._ _

__He sat down and Yaku let go of him._ _

__“I’ll get an ice pack.” He said, and left the gym while the coach and club advisor began fussing over him._ _

__“Do you know where you are?”_ _

__“Can you see clearly?”_ _

__“Are you nauseous at all?”_ _

__“Are you feeling dizzy?”_ _

__He answered all of their questions, and after a few more moments of them inspecting him, they concluded that he likely didn’t have a concussion._ _

__“You should sit out for the rest of practice, just in case.” Nekomata instructed as Yaku returned with the ice pack and a bottle of water. Lev nodded, and satisfied, the coach and club advisor walked off._ _

__“How’s the headache? Your forehead is looking pretty red.” Yaku asked, giving Lev the ice pack and bottle. The cold item felt nice in his sweaty hands. He took a long sip of the drink bottle before placing it on the bench beside him._ _

__“It’s fine. I probably don’t have a concussion, so that’s cool.” He replied. Yaku leaned forward to inspect his head, his practice shirt gaping with the motion, and Lev resisted the urge to stare at his collarbones._ _

__“That’s definitely going to leave a bruise.” Yaku said, pulling away, and a part of Lev longed for his proximity again. He distracted himself by lifting the ice pack and pressing it to his forehead, sighing happily at the relief it brought him/_ _

__“Probably, yeah.” Yaku sat beside him on the bench, watching him with tenderness that made Lev’s chest flutter._ _

__“Do you want me to walk home with you this afternoon? To make sure you don’t faint along the way or anything, of course.” Yaku was a very compassionate and caring person, the unofficial “team mum” of the volleyball club, always helping and looking after everyone. Lev knew that Yaku would have been concerned for anyone in his position, and given them the same treatment, but there was a part of him that couldn’t help but feel ecstatic by the special treatment he was receiving._ _

__“T-that would be great, thank you.” Yaku gave him a smile, and it caused something warm to well up in his stomach. _Man, I really like Yaku-san _he realised. This wasn’t a new revelation of course, but there was a strange urgency that came with it. A desire to express the strange emotions he was feeling for his upperclassmen. Maybe it was the headache that was making him feel this way, or perhaps the fact that confessing had been constantly on his mind for the past three days, but he felt resolute about his crush. He had feelings for Yaku, and he wanted him to know about them. “Yaku-san,” He began, “I want to tell you something.” Yaku looked at him curiously, and he took a deep breath.___ _

____“I really like you––” Kuroo, Fukunaga and Yamamoto, who hadn’t even noticed loitering nearby, popped up behind Yaku. They grinned at him, holding their thumbs up and nodding encouragingly, and Lev realised how mortifying this situation was. There was no way that he was going to confess with an ice pack pressed to his face like an idiot and the team as an audience. “––your knee pads!” he shouted in an attempt to recover, and he internally kicked himself._ _ _ _

____“...my knee pads?” Yaku asked after a moment, and behind him the three boys convulsed quietly, struggling to contain their laughter._ _ _ _

____“Yeah they um… look really sturdy! Mine are kind of flimsy, where did you buy them?” Lev didn’t know whether the water dripping down his temple was from the ice pack or the stress of being a fucking moron, but regardless he continued to grin at Yaku as if he didn’t just say the dumbest sentence ever spoken in the history of the human race. Judging by Yaku’s bewildered and unamused expression, he seemed to be having a similar thought._ _ _ _

____“Are you sure you’re not concussed?” He asked finally, and that seemed to be enough to break Kuroo and the second years as they started cackling._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____\-----_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“So let me get this straight,” Began Shibayama as he, Lev and Inouka stood by the school gate after practice. “You tried to confess to Yaku, chickened out because Kuroo and the second years were watching, and then told him you liked his knee pads?” His expression was a mixture of bafflement and amusement. Beside him, Inouka struggled to keep a straight face. Lev huffed, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall, forehead throbbing shallowly._ _ _ _

____“It’s not funny.”_ _ _ _

____“How hard did you hit your head?” That was enough for Inouka to lose his composure. If Lev hadn’t been waiting for Yaku to leave the change room, he would have stormed off right then and there._ _ _ _

____“It’s difficult, okay!” He shouted, exasperated. “Whenever I’m around him I get so flustered, it’s like I forget how to speak. I never say what I mean to, and I fumble my words. It’s so embarrassing! And it’s bad enough that I have my upperclassmen laughing at me, so I don’t need my _friends_ laughing at me as well!” Inouka gave him a pat on the shoulder, though he hadn’t quite wiped the mirth off his face. Lev gritted his teeth, his body hot with anger. He didn’t want to direct his anger towards his friends, despite them being the source of his frustration, but at the very least, on the rare occasion that he did get angry, he wished they would take him seriously. _ _ _ _

____“It looks like you need me to do some wingmanning.” Inouka’s eyes gleamed with mischief, and he directed his attention towards Yaku, who smiled at them as he approached._ _ _ _

____“What are you––”_ _ _ _

____“Just trust me!” He said, then called out, “Yaku-san!”_ _ _ _

____Lev wanted to deny him. _No. No more plans, no more schemes, I don’t want to hear it!_ But the words got lost somewhere between his brain and his mouth, and all he could do was stand idly as Inouka began chatting with Yaku. _ _ _ _

____“You’re in the top class for science, aren’t you?” He asked, and Lev already had a bad feeling. At his confirmation, Inouka continued. “We’ve just started doing chemical equations in class, but we’re having some trouble understanding some of the concepts. Would you be able to tutor us?”_ _ _ _

____Lev’s throat dried up, and his eyes widened at Inouka, who returned his look with a smug grin. What was he _doing?!_ Yaku glanced between the three of them, before lifting his hand and tapping his chin in thought. _ _ _ _

____“Well, I’m a little busy this weekend…” He made eye contact with Lev and bit his lip, the gesture making his stomach flip. “... but I have some free time tomorrow morning. If you guys wanted to come over for an hour, I could tutor you then.” Inouka fisted the air in victory._ _ _ _

____“Yes! Thank you! Just text us the time and address later. Shibayama and I have to run off, but we’ll see you tomorrow!” And with that, Inouka grabbed Shibayama by the arm, gave Lev a quick wink and darted off down the road, Shibayama stumbling and cursing as they went._ _ _ _

____Lev struggled to breath. Him. Tomorrow. Yaku’s house. Him at Yaku’s house, tomorrow. _He was going to Yaku’s house tomorrow_ This was happening too fast, everything felt like it was going too fast. It was like he had just been dumped in the middle of the ocean, struggling against the icy surf to stay afloat. He pressed his hand to his forehead, trying to stifle the panic that was overtaking his sense, but helped in pain as he pressed on the sore spot. Yaku turned concerned eyes his way. _ _ _ _

____“Are you alright?” He asked, his expression earnest and worried, and suddenly Lev couldn’t breath for a different reason._ _ _ _

____“Yes.” He said, his voice sounding strained, and he forced a shallow breath into his lungs. “Fine. Just… I-I’m fine.” Yaku took a step closer, frowning, and he reached his hand out gingerly. Lev tensed up. He didn’t want Yaku to touch him––well, he did want him to, but he felt like he would explode if he did. It was as if his whole body was a mass of erratic, unstable energy, and one small move could tear him apart. Before Yaku’s hand could make contact with his arm, he jumped out of range._ _ _ _

____“We should start walking!” he announced, and started off without waiting to see whether Yaku would follow. He appeared beside him a moment later, and Lev forced his gaze ahead, not wanting to look at him._ _ _ _

____“Lev?” Yaku said tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure how to continue. “Is everything okay? You’re acting really strange.”_ _ _ _

____“Mmhm.” Lev made a sound of confirmation in his throat, unconsciously picking up his pace, as if his body wanted to outrun this conversation. Yaku, with his short legs, struggled to keep up._ _ _ _

____“Hey, wait––Lev! Look at me!” Yaku grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop, and Lev’s body flinched violently at the contact. Feeling Lev’s reaction, Yaku quickly released his grasp, holding up his hands slightly as if to show he wasn’t a threat._ _ _ _

____“S-sorry.” Lev stammered, and finally met Yaku's eyes. His expression was contorted in a mixture of shock, confusion and concern._ _ _ _

____“What’s wrong?” He asked again, this time slower but firmer. Lev exhaled shakily, lifting his hand to rub the back of his neck, and it was only then when he realised his hands were shaking. Upon further inspection, it appeared his whole body was quivering uncontrollably. He didn’t understand why. He felt frustrated at his friends for forcing him into a situation he never asked for, and he felt anxious and humiliated just being around Yaku. At the same time though, there was no one else he wanted to be with._ _ _ _

____He wanted to run away, to scream, to cry, to tell Yaku the truth and to keep everything to himself. He was a conflicted mess holding all of these feelings inside of him, struggling to keep himself together._ _ _ _

____He plastered on a tight smile._ _ _ _

____“I-I’m feeling sick.” He lied. “Really sick, I just want to get home quickly. I-I’m sorry, please don’t touch me.” Yaku stared at him, flexing his fingers restlessly, before decidedly shoving them in his pants pocket. His expression was unreadable, though strangely reserved._ _ _ _

____“Sorry. Let’s get you home quickly then.” They walked in a tense silence, and Lev couldn’t help feeling like he’d fucked up somehow. Yaku walked him all the way to his house, despite Lev’s insistence that he didn’t have to go that far out of his way for him, he wouldn’t budge on that decision. They bid goodbye, Yaku wishing him well, and Lev practically ran inside his house._ _ _ _

____He returned his mother’s greeting from the kitchen tersely, and rushed upstairs into his bedroom. The second the door closed behind him, he collapsed against the wood, sliding to the floor and burying his face into his knees. Tears welled in his eyes, and he breathed sporadically, desperately trying to get his emotions under control. He squeezed his eyes shut, hugging his legs into his chest in an attempt to stop shivering._ _ _ _

____He didn’t even know how to feel anymore, he could barely even remember why he was upset, and strangely that made him feel worse. It was a stupid reason. A bunch of small things that had upset him and turned into a worser issue, despite the fact that none of them were that big of a deal._ _ _ _

____He’d fucked up another confession and made a fool out of himself, but he hadn’t been rejected._ _ _ _

____His friends had pissed him off and then organised a study session against his wishes, but really that was just another excuse to get him more quality time with Yaku, which is something he wanted._ _ _ _

____Hell, he was rude to Yaku and pushed him away, and he was understanding and unbothered by it._ _ _ _

____Lev shouldn’t be feeling this way. He shouldn’t be panicking so much, he shouldn’t be feeling so upset over this, so why was he making such a big deal out of it? He gave his legs another tight squeeze before releasing them slightly, lifting his head and resting it against the door. His head was aching again, but he was too emotionally exhausted to do anything about it. He started at the ceiling with absent eyes, trying to rationalise his feelings._ _ _ _

____Lev liked to think he was quite an honest and genuine person––he tried to be, at least––but one thing he really struggled with was being vulnerable with people. It made him uncomfortable trying to explain his feelings to people, especially considering that it was really difficult for him to put his feelings into words, so he always felt like he was never able to explain himself in the way he wanted._ _ _ _

____These past few days, he had been exposing his vulnerabilities to everyone. He was being vulnerable by telling his friends about his feelings. He was being vulnerable by trying to confess to Yaku, despite feeling physically incapable of expressing himself. He was being vulnerable by the fact that he was doing this in front of his team, who were aware of his feelings, though not intentionally._ _ _ _

____So to have everyone _laugh_ at him, to dismiss his attempts when he was trying _so hard_ –– _ _ _ _

____Lev took another deep breath, attempting to quell the frustration that was building in him once again. He didn’t want to think about this anymore. He didn’t want to deal with this anymore. He was tired of stressing over confessing. He just wanted to stop,_ _ _ _

____He wanted to give up._ _ _ _

____… but, somehow that idea only made him feel worse. Despicable, in fact. Because it would mean that, once again, Lev was giving up on another commitment. Once again, he had gotten his hopes up, only for it to end in disappointment._ _ _ _

____And he didn’t think he could endure that again._ _ _ _

____Because truthfully, getting rejected, being humiliated by his friends and teammates, could never be worse than the emptiness that came with disappointment. The hollowness, the utter self-loathing that came along with the knowledge that, once again, he was a coward._ _ _ _

____Once again, he was giving up on what he wanted out of fear, and that felt pathetic to him._ _ _ _

____He stood up shakily, his body feeling much heavier than usual, and made his way towards the window, needing some fresh air. He opened it up, resting his hands on the windowsill and breathing deeply as he gazed out at the twilight sky._ _ _ _

____Lev made a resolution to himself._ _ _ _

____He wasn’t going to give up on confessing to Yaku, no matter how terrifying and difficult it was, he was not going to disappoint himself._ _ _ _

____Only when he got a proper rejection would he stop._ _ _ _

____And despite the hurt he knew he would experience, he could at least be satisfied by the knowledge that he went through it and saw it to the bitter end. Despite his fear, he’d see it through._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____The sentiment didn’t bring as much peace to him as he had hoped._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord was this an interesting chapter to write. For the record, I planned this to be about 2,500 words shorter, AND it was meant to be lighthearted. I genuinely don't know where I went wrong, but hey! It certainly came out very interesting. I'm really excited to see where Lev's emotional journey goes from here (I'll also have to adjust my outline because I was NOT planning on Lev to get so emotional this early in the story)
> 
> Overall, I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out, especially the second half (Me? Projecting? Never.) and I really hope you enjoyed as well! (I also really hope that this chapter didn't emotionally scar you as much as it did my beta reader)
> 
> Any comments, feedback, criticism, whatever, I'm always happy to hear! Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dropped science and you're about to find out why. I apologise in advance.

Lev’s eyes hurt. That was the first thing he registered as he slowly regained consciousness that morning. He opened his eyes, finding them dry and bleary as he looked up at his ceiling. Then, the events from yesterday came rushing back into his head and he felt… numb. Almost painfully so. The details were crisp in his mind, and yet felt so distant somehow, as if they had happened in a dream instead of the previous afternoon. 

There was the date, and then the volleyball hitting him in the face, and then the failed confession, his teammates laughing at him, his teammates organising the study session––

That was today, wasn’t it?

Lev tried to sit up, but his body felt lethargic, his emotional exhaustion weighing down his entire body, pinning his limbs to the mattress as if his muscles were filled with lead. His head throbbed as he moved to sit against the headboard, and sluggishly he lifted his hand to his face, rubbing his eyes. 

His phone flashed on his bedside table, but after a quick glance he reached out and turned it over, not in the mood to read whatever Inouka had to say. 

Last night, his anger towards his friends had felt like a fire burning away inside of him, fuelled by his frustration and embarrassment. Now, his emotions had burnt out, and instead of anger now all he felt was tiredness. 

He was tempted to cancel the study session today. He didn’t want to see his friends at all, and Lev wasn’t even sure if he could face Yaku again after yesterday. Embarrassment wasn’t the right word to describe how Lev felt surrounding the walk home, it was more guilt than anything. Yaku had been concerned for him, rightfully so, considering he was in the middle of a panic attack, and Lev had pushed him away––brushed him off and lied about it because he couldn’t stomach the thought of telling him the truth. 

And, judging by Yaku’s expression, he obviously didn’t believe him either. Lev was thankful that he had given him space afterwards, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had done something wrong. Yaku had seemed taken aback by his behaviour yesterday, but also, he seemed sad somehow. 

Lev stood shakily, taking a moment to regain his balance before he made his way out of his bedroom. Immediately upon entering the halfway, he could smell a warm and sweet scent drifting through the house. Following it’s trail, he found his sister in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Upon his arrival, Alisa looked up from the stove and flashed him a pearly smile.

“Good morning!” She chirped. Alisa worked over in Russia as a model, but she was currently home on a break for the next few weeks. Lev had been glad about this, the two of them had always been close growing up, so her absence had been difficult to adjust to. It was nice having her home again. 

“Morning.” Despite her contagious cheeriness, which typically tended to rub off on him, he couldn’t get himself to return the smile. He brushed past her, heading towards the cabinet for some medicine. “What are you cooking?” He asked, his voice flat and unexpressive. The smell was incredibly familiar, but he couldn’t quite pin what it was. 

She turned to face him, silver ponytail swaying with the motion, and gave him another dazzling smile. 

“Pancakes!” She called over the hiss of the pan. “Speaking of which, they’ll be ready in a minute, so feel free to sit down.”

“Why pancakes?” He asked, heading towards the table. He used to love pancakes when he was younger, but his sister would rarely cook them. They were typically only reserved for special occasions, or when Lev needed cheering up. He remembered back when he was seven, after his parents had gotten divorced and his father had run off to Russia, they had eaten pancakes for breakfast for a full two weeks before they couldn’t stomach it any longer. The memory, though painful, brought a small smile to his lips. 

“Because…” Alisa started, distracted by serving the meal. Lev finally decided to check his phone, reading the texts from Inouka. He had sent the address and the time they were meeting Yaku, followed by:

**Ino: You can thank me later!**

He grimaced at the screen. He would not be doing that anytime soon. His sister set the plate of pancakes down in front of Lev, startling him. 

“You looked really upset last night.” Alisa continued. “So I thought this might cheer you up.” His eyes widened, before he averted his gaze. 

“What gave you that impression?” She reached over, ruffling his already disheveled bed hair. 

“Because you wear your heart on your sleeve, Lyovochka.” Alisa said softly, watching him fondly. “Now, what’s caused you to feel so blue.” Lev reached for his cutlery, cutting off a large portion of the pancake and shoving it in his mouth, trying to buy himself some time before answering. The second his mouth closed around the fluffy cake, the sweet taste exploded in his mouth, spreading a warm nostalgia throughout his body. After a long moment of savouring the sensation, he swallowed, feeling the tension in his gut melting slightly. He sighed softly. 

“It’s… a long story.” Alisa picked up her own cutlery purposefully. 

“The pancakes will last however long it takes.” She gave him a mischievous wink. “I can make as many as you want.” She lifted a bit of her own pancakes to her mouth, as if to give him the room to speak. Lev smiled softly, taking a moment to consider his next words carefully. He wasn’t in the mood to unpack the whole confession business, so, instead, he decided he would tell her about his latest predicament. 

“I’ve got this study session with my friends later this morning… but I’m kind of mad at them at the moment and really don’t want to see them, so I’m considering skipping it. The thing is, one of my upperclassmen is tutoring us, and…” This was very difficult to explain without context. He gestured with his hands, trying to think of a way to phrase it. “Well… let’s just say my friends organised this more for my benefit than theirs, and so I would feel guilty not going. I’m kind of at a loss for what to do.”

“Why are you mad at your friends?” Alisa asked, lifting her glass of water delicately to her pink lips. She had always been a graceful person, in both the way she moved and talked, and now after coming back from a year of modelling, she only seemed to have gotten more elegant. Her and Lev were opposites in that regard, while she was perfectly coordinated, Lev was disastrously clumsy. 

“They just… they haven’t been taking me seriously recently, and they organised this session without asking me if it was what I wanted.” He replied. Those were the basics of it at least. Lev took another bite of his pancakes. 

“So you’re upset that they haven’t been taking you seriously, and that they’re making decisions without your consent?” More like forcing him into scenarios he never wanted, but he nodded. “Do your friends know that you’re angry with them?”

“Not exactly.” He said after swallowing. “I mean, I never explicitly told them, but, well… it was obvious from my behaviour… and…” Lev trailed off. 

“You can’t expect people to know what you’re thinking, Lyovochka.” Alisa told him gently. 

“I-I know that.” He floundered. “But I obviously wasn’t happy with them, and… so… they should know better than to just assume…” Lev huffed, frustrated at his inability to explain. “It’s more complicated than that!”

“Let’s simplify it then. Do you think your friends are upsetting you intentionally?” She questioned. Lev shifted in his seat, crossing his arms firmly against his chest. 

“Not intentionally,” He replied, “But they know that their actions are frustrating me.”

“Okay, but do you think your friends are doing it maliciously?” 

“Obviously not. They would never want to hurt me, but that doesn’t change the fact that they have.”

“Of course it doesn’t.” Alisa agreed. “But you’re expecting them to be able to realise that they've done something wrong without telling them.”

“I…” Lev bit his lip, staring at the unfinished plate of pancakes in front of him. He knew Alisa had a point, but he didn’t want to acknowledge that their unawareness could be partially his fault. 

“But what about the tutoring session?” She probed. “You said that your friends organised it for your benefit.” Lev huffed. 

“Yes.”

“So obviously they have your best interests in mind?” She was only trying to help, and she was helping, but Lev could feel his patience wearing thin. 

“Well… I suppose, but, well…” He sat up in his seat, taking a breath to calm his rising frustration and collect his thoughts. “I feel like they crossed a boundary. They did this on their own without asking whether it was something I wanted.”

“Is it something you wanted?” Lev blinked. His first instinct was to say no, he didn’t want to be forced into another confession attempt, but… quality time with Yaku? That was definitely something he wanted, and the chemistry help, Inouka did ask Yaku to tutor them with something that specifically Lev had been struggling with. 

“W-well, I guess,” He stammered, “But it’s complicated––” Alisa cut him off. 

“It sounds like you don’t really know how you feel about this either, Lev.”

“I don’t!” He snapped suddenly, clenching his fist against the table. He didn’t know how he felt, and he definitely didn’t know how to articulate these confusing feelings of his. Alisa put her hand over his soothingly. 

“I think it would be best if you went today.” She said gently. “You should have a talk with your friends, make them understand your perspective. I’m sure they’ll be apologetic, and then you guys can get past this.” Lev inhaled shakily. 

“Yeah, alright.” He sighed heavily, slumping back in his chair and rubbing the sore spot on his forehead with his index finger, noting that the medicine seemed to have kicked in at some point. “I have no idea what I’m going to say to them.”

“Just be honest.” Alisa gave him a reassuring smile, sweet as sugar, just like everything else about her, and Lev felt suddenly overwhelmed with affection for his sister. She was so bright, so kind and nurturing, and he was so thankful to have her in his life. He had always admired her greatly. To him, she had always been beautiful and perfect, and he wished more than anything that he could live up to her level of magnificence. The two of them were so similar, had always been so similar, and yet they were so different all the same. Alisa was everything Lev wasn’t and more. She was graceful and eloquent, confident and self-assured, and it was both a sense of pride and hurt to know that she was his sister, and that he could never be as perfect as she was. 

Lev’s throat felt too tight to speak, so he squeezed her hand, hoping the action would express his gratitude.

\-----

Anger was an exhausting emotion, that was Lev’s first thought when he caught sight of his friends later that morning, who were waiting for him outside his house to walk with him to Yaku’s. His anger felt important, because he felt like it validated all of the hurt he had felt recently, but when Inouka noticed his approach, grinning at him and waving excitedly, Lev felt that resentment start to melt away, and he hated himself for it. 

The self doubt began as soon as he reached Inouka and Shibayama. He didn’t want to return their smiles, though his natural instincts told him otherwise. 

“Where’s Teshiro?” Lev asked, because he had no idea what else to say to them. 

“At home, he didn’t need any help with science and said he wanted to sit this one out. Something about him having better things to do than watch you attempt to flirt with Yaku-san.” Shibayama gave him a wink, and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Lev focused on the street in front of him. It was a quiet morning, with hardly anyone else in sight. The only sounds were their voices and the scuffing of their shoes on the pavement.

“Speaking of which~” Inouka sang. “How are you feeling about today? Excited? Nervous?” Lev usually liked Inouka’s cheerfulness, but right now it was getting on his nerves. 

“About that…” 

“Have you figured out how you’re going to do it?” Inouka asked, gleefully oblivious to Lev’s hesitance. 

“I’d suggest a chemistry related pickup line, but I don’t think you know enough about chemistry to pull one off.” Shibayama teased. 

“Yeah, no, look––” Lev began, but Inouka cut him off again. 

“That would be super romantic though, Yaku-san is so passionate about science, I bet he would appreciate a chemistry-themed confession.” Lev stopped walking. 

“We need to talk.” He said firmly, and the two of them paused, turning to him curiously. The humour in their faces died as they took in his serious expression. “I’m not confessing to him today.” 

“Huh?” Inouka’s eyebrows rose in confusion. “But this is the perfect opportunity! We organised this––”

“Without my input, I don’t want to do this.” 

“Oh, okay.” Inouka said, and Lev felt a surge of guilt at his sullen tone. Shibayama simply shrugged. 

“Yeah, that’s fair.” He replied. It was quiet for a moment. 

“I mean, it’s still a great opportunity for some bonding time!” Inouka said cheerfully, trying to break away from the awkward air. 

“And we get to see the inside of Yaku-san’s house. Maybe we’ll even get to go into his bedroom, that must be exciting, huh?” Shibayama added, and the two glanced towards Lev, gauging his reaction. This was their olive branch, he realised. They understood they had upset him somehow, and they were offering normality as a form of apology, watching to see if he would reciprocate. Lev made an effort to relax his posture. 

“Yeah, maybe.” He replied, and they seemed satisfied. They began walking again. 

“He’ll probably have some childhood photos hung up somewhere, I could steal one of his baby photos for you if you want.” Shibayama offered, and Lev let himself reach out and shove his shoulder. 

“Don’t even think about it.” He scolded, and the two laughed in response. He shook his head at their shenanigans. It was difficult to stay mad at them, especially when their easy-going nature made him want to cheer up even more. There were more things he wanted to say to them, he wanted to explain himself better and give the reasons behind his feelings. But, they didn’t seem to need them. They had accepted his refusal for the confession unquestionably; the refusal itself had been reason enough for them. 

Lev suddenly wondered whether he had made a bigger deal out of it than it was, and perhaps some of his initial anger had been unjustified. It was easy to get worked up over someone’s actions when they weren’t around to discuss them. Lev felt a little guilty about his feelings towards them the previous night. His sister had been right, they were reasonable and meant no harm, Inouka had just gotten ahead of himself trying to help. 

Lev took a deep breath of the morning air, taking in its freshness, the scent of freshly cut grass and dew, and exhaled, letting go of his ill feelings with it. He was okay, everything was okay. 

Now, he just had the study session to navigate. 

\-----

Yaku’s house was fairly normal for residential Tokyo. It was a two story building, simple in design––not too modern and not dated by any means––and yet Lev had never felt so intimidated by a house. The three of them stood on his porch, waiting. 

“... Are you going to knock?” Shibayama asked after a full minute of staring at the wooden door. 

“Why can’t you knock?” Lev whispered back, paranoid that Yaku would hear them from inside, even though technically announcing their presence was the intention. 

“C’mon dude just knock, it’s not that hard.” There was another moment of silence. 

“You knock.” 

“I’m not gonna knock for you.” Inouka reached forward and rang the doorbell, effectively cutting off the two’s bickering. Lev immediately seized up at the sound of the chime, tensing up further as footsteps could be heard from inside. The door opened, and Yaku popped up beside it, a small smile lighting up his features. 

“Hey guys, come on in.” He opened the door wider, stepping aside as the three of them filed in. 

“Thanks for having us over Yaku-san!” Inouka chirped, and Shibayama echoed his greeting, whilst Lev could only nod dumbly as he was distracted by Yaku’s attire. He was wearing a t-shirt, the collar of which curved down, revealing the middle of his collarbone. What he was most distracted by however, were his jeans. Lev had never seen him in casual pants, only ever his practice shorts and the uniform pants, which were quite baggy and uninteresting. The jeans however were quite form fitting, hugging the curves of his legs.

Lev followed the lead of his friends removing their shoes, thankful for a distraction so he could prevent himself from staring any longer. 

“Yeah, no worries.” Yaku’s gaze turned to Lev, and a small lump formed in his throat. “Lev, how are you feeling this morning?” 

“O-oh, um, much better!” He stammered. 

“Is your head still hurting?” He asked earnestly, and Lev ignored the tendril of warmth curling in his chest. 

“J-just a little.”

“If you need any medicine or anything, feel free to ask.” Yaku offered. 

“Uh, thanks!” Internally, Lev began a lecture to himself about conversation etiquette and not sounding like a complete moron every time he opened his mouth. 

“Alright then.” Yaku clapped his hands together. “Let’s get started. Come on up stairs.” He turned and led them out of the entryway and up the stairs, and Lev took a moment to examine his house. The layout was quite closed off, with the entryway leading into the living room and stairwell. The living room was modern by design, but quite bare, with little more than a couch, television, and side table for decoration. Minimalistic, though Lev was personally not a fan of those kinds of designs. 

The hallway upstairs was the same, a stretch of tiled floor and blank walls adorned by a few evenly spaced doors. It was kind of a menacing sight, if Lev was being honest. They entered Yaku’s bedroom and Lev took a not-so-subtle moment to look around his room. 

In a stark contrast to the rest of his house, Yaku’s bedroom was packed with his belongings; every shelf was stacked with books and other memorabilia, but despite the quantity of it all, everything was organised neatly. There was a volleyball poster on the wall above Yaku’s bed, as well as some other sports equipment scattered across the room. There was a faint coffee smell in there as well. 

There was a single bed on the right side of the room, a desk coated with papers and textbooks on the left, and in the centre he had a square chabudai table, which the other three were already seated at. 

Lev moved to sit down, noting that his friends had left the spot next to Yaku free. 

“So, you guys needed some help with chemistry, right?” At their confirmation, he continued. “Alright, show me what you’re doing in class at the moment.” Inouka handed Yaku his workbook, and Lev, seeing his friends had already organised themselves, fumbled with his bag to get his own books out. Yaku flipped through the book, skimming the most recent entries. “Okay, so you’ve just started out on the basics then. Anything in particular you were having trouble with?” 

_Everything_ , Lev thought to himself, and Inouka answered his question. 

“We were looking at balancing chemical equations yesterday in class, but I didn’t really understand the concept enough to do the homework.” Yaku opened up one of the questions and laid it down on the table for everyone to see. The question had been:

**Balance this equation:**

**C2H4 + O2 → CO2 + H2O**

And below it, Inouka had written his answer as

**C2H4 + O2 → C4O2 + H6O2**

“So for this one, you have to write the quantity of molecules as a number in front, you can’t change the constituents because that changes the structure of the molecule. CO2 represents a carbon dioxide molecule, so you can’t change that to C2O2 because it’s not carbon anymore. So, the correct answer would be––” Yaku wrote on the page. “––C2H4 + 3O2 → 2CO2 + 2H2O. Remember, you’re balancing the entire equation, not just the product side.” 

Inouka’s expression lit up in understanding, and Shibayama nodded to himself. 

“Oh, that makes so much sense!” Inouka exclaimed. 

“I think I understand it now.” Shibayama said. Lev’s eyes darted between the three of them, his head spinning with confusion. 

“Awesome.” Yaku smiled, handing back Inouka’s book. “Do you guys want to start on your homework and I can help if anything else comes up?” 

“Will do!” Inouka replied, and Lev watched helplessly as the two began their homework. 

“I… didn’t understand that at all.” Lev admitted, and Yaku turned his attention towards him. 

“What specifically don’t you understand?” He asked. 

“I’m not sure.”

“... you’re not sure?” Lev rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“I haven’t really understood anything in class so far.” He said. 

“Alright then, can you explain to me everything you know about chemical equations?” 

“Uh, they’re… equations… for… chemicals?” Shibayama and Inouka snickered from across the table, and Yaku took a deep breath, likely resisting the urge to call him an idiot. Lev cringed at himself. 

“Alright, I’ll go from the very basics then.” Yaku picked up Lev’s workbook, turned to a blank page and began writing. “So chemical equations are a written representation of the process that occurs during a chemical reaction. The reactants are written on the left side of the arrow, and the products are written on the right side.” 

“And the reactants are…?” Lev asked. 

“The elements reacting with each other in the chemical reaction, and the products are the results, or the leftovers of the chemical reaction.” Yaku explained. 

“Ah, okay.”

“So we represent the elements using their symbols,” Yaku continued, “For example: C is carbon, O is oxygen, and H is hydrogen. A subscript beside a symbol is used to indicate the number of atoms present. For example, you would read H20 as being the product of two hydrogen molecules and one oxygen molecule per atom.”

“And subscripts are…?”

“The little number beside the letter. If you have a number before the atom, that represents the quantity of atoms. So let’s say you have an equation which includes 2 CO2,” He wrote it down on the paper, “One carbon molecule together with two oxygen molecules forms carbon dioxide, and we know by the two in front that we have two carbon dioxide atoms. Are you following?” 

“Yes…” Lev replied, though he didn’t sound very confident. 

“Just tell me if you need me to slow down at all.” 

“No, it’s fine, you can continue.” Yaku nodded. 

“Okay, now let’s look at the chemical equation for photosynthesis.” He wrote down an equation on the page. 

**6 CO2 + 6 H20 → C6H12O6 + 6 O2**

“Can you interpret this?” Lev blew out a large breath.

“Sorry, just give me a moment to process everything you’ve just said.”

“It looks a little overwhelming, but it’s really simple if you know how to break it down.” Yaku reassured, giving him a small smile. Lev shifted on his cushion, staring at the equation intently and trying not to be distracted by the flapping sensation in his stomach. 

“So… the CO2 is carbon, and the 6 means that there are 6 CO2 atoms, which are combined with 6 water atoms to create…” Lev paused, trying to remember whether he had seen the combination of elements before. “I don’t know what that compound is, but it has 6 molecules of carbon, 12 of hydrogen and 6 oxygen molecules, as well as 6 atoms of… I think that’s dioxygen?”

“It’s glucose, but yes, that’s correct. Let’s move onto balancing chemical equations.” Yaku turned to a new page in the book and wrote down another equation. 

**AL + O2 → AL2O3**

“This equation is pretty simple, aluminium is reacting with dioxygen to form aluminium oxide. This equation however is unbalanced, on the reactant side we have one aluminium atom and two oxygen atoms––” 

“Wait, I thought you said that was dioxygen earlier.” Lev interrupted. 

“Dioxygen is oxygen, it just contains two oxygen molecules instead of one. You can refer to it either way.” Yaku explained. “Anyway, comparing that to the product side, we have two aluminium atoms and three oxygen atoms. Chemical reactions don’t just create new atoms, you’re always going to have the same amount of atoms, so, to make the equation balanced, you have to change it to make sense. Do you think you can do that?” 

“I think?” Lev answered. Yaku held out his pen, and Lev took it uncertainly.

“Just think about it like an algebraic equation, except instead of solving it you’re trying to balance the numbers.” Yaku said, and Lev decided not to tell him that maths also wasn’t one of his strong suits.

He licked his lips in thought as he considered the equation. So he has one aluminium atom on the left, and two on the right, meaning if he multiplied the left aluminium by two, and the right by 1, it would even out. Using the same logic with the oxygen, he wrote down

**2 AL + 1.5 O2 → 1 AL2O3**

Lev looked up at Yaku, and his confident smile quickly faded as he took in Yaku’s perplexed and mildly disgusted expression. 

“Okay, well, for starters, you can’t have 1.5 atoms. You can’t have half an atom.” Shibayama chuckled beside Lev, and Inouka quickly scribbled out whatever he had been writing. 

“Oh… right.” Lev said bashfully. 

“You have the right kind of idea though. 1.5 multiplied by 2 is 3, we wanna work in whole numbers though. So, instead, what we should do...” Yaku took the pen off Lev and leaned forward to write on the paper, getting extremely close to Lev in the process. His breath caught in his throat as he looked down at Yaku, who was practically in his lap he was so near. “... Is write it as 4 aluminium, plus 3 dioxygen, which forms…” Lev struggled to concentrate on Yaku’s words as he leaned in closer, his back brushing up against Lev’s chest. He looked up to Shibayama and Inouka, panic written on his face to see the two of them watching in amusement. 

Yaku pulled away slightly, but not completely, as he looked up at Lev’s warm face, completely oblivious to the predicament he had put him in. 

“There, see?” Lev took a glance down at the paper, struggling to ignore the erratic beating in his chest, and read over what Yaku had written. 

**4 AL + 3 O2 → 2 AL2O3**

“Yeah,” Lev said, and then coughed to clear the hoarseness of his voice. “that makes so much sense now.” Yaku smiled, nodding happily at his confirmation, and Lev felt his hands go clammy. He wiped his hands subtly on his pants, hoping to remove the small amount of sweat that had suddenly accumulated on his palms. Inouka cleared his throat. 

“Yaku-san, can I use your bathroom?” He asked. Yaku’s eyes widened, as if broken from a small trace, and he pulled back. 

“Y-yeah, sure, it’s just down the hall to the right.” Inouka, stood, giving Lev a quick wink before disappearing out the door. Before Lev even had a chance to consider what that meant, Shibayama’s phone buzzed, Inouka’s profile displayed on the screen. He quickly snatched it up. 

“It’s my… mother… sorry I need to take this.” Yaku, who was distracting himself by flipping through Lev’s book, only hummed in response as Shibayama made his way out into the hallway. 

Lev’s blood ran cold as he stressed over what kind of scheme the two of them were planning. Yaku was completely unbothered beside him, blissfully ignorant of the kind of chaotic teenagers he had just allowed to wander the halls of his house completely unsupervised. Lev was moments away from coming up with his own excuse to leave the room, when critical thinking caught up with him and realised this was likely his friend’s plan to give him some alone time with Yaku. 

Bonding time, as Inouka would likely describe it. Lev allowed himself to relax the muscles he hadn't even realised he’d tensed up, and turned his attention back to Yaku. 

“Shall we work through a few more questions?” He asked innocently. Yaku’s expression was rather neutral, though looking closer, Lev noticed the tips of his ears were red. 

“Yeah, sure.” He replied, and finding himself feeling rather flustered with their sudden privacy, he averted his eyes. Lev’s gaze drifted towards Yaku’s bookshelf, and a photo frame caught his eye. The photo was of Yaku standing with Kuroo and Kai in the gym, though he quickly realised by their softer image that the photo had been taken during their first year. 

Lev felt his chest tighten as he took in younger-Yaku’s appearance. He had a smaller frame, and his face was a lot rounder than it was now. He was smiling at the camera, his teeth wide in a grin, and overall he seemed to have a much more relaxed and carefree demeanour. It was an interesting disparity compared to third-year-Yaku, who had a wiser air, and who always seemed at least mildly stressed. 

Younger-Yaku was by, all means, absolutely adorable, though Lev was much more attracted to the Yaku sitting beside him, who had grown and matured in his features quite nicely. He did entertain the thought of what it would have been like to know Yaku as a first year, Lev knew he likely would have been quite fond of him as well. 

“How about this question.” Yaku suggested, and Lev was halfway through responding when something else on the bookshelf snagged his attention. 

“Oh! You have Tales From The Galactic Empire trilogy?” He asked. It was a sci-fi series following a group of rebels struggling to overthrow the corrupt empire ruling the galaxy. It was Lev’s favourite book series, but it was quite obscure, and he’d never met anyone else who had read it before. 

At the mention of the name, Yaku’s head perked up. 

“You’ve read it?” 

“Yup, well, I’ve listened to the audiobook.” Lev admitted. 

“You listen to audio books?” He asked, not a hint of judgement in his tone. 

“Yeah, I prefer them to reading the book myself. My, uh, sister used to read to me all the time when I was younger, so I suppose I just enjoy the experience of being read to.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Lev internally kicked himself. It was such a dumb, unprompted thing to say, and a little embarrassing as well. 

“Oh yeah?” Yaku prompted, and Lev was surprised as he looked up at him curiously. 

“Yeah, I just audiobooks are nice… because it’s kind of like sharing the experience with someone else, you know?” Yaku nodded as Lev finished his brief ramble. 

“That is quite a nice sentiment.” Yaku paused for a moment, not meeting Lev’s eyes. “... Maybe we should read a book together sometime…” Before Lev could even register the words, Inouka entered abruptly. 

“Sorry I took so long! I got a little lost.” He announced, and Shibayama slipped into the room behind him. 

“Everything alright?” Shibayama asked innocently as he beheld Lev and Yaku, who were both startled and red in the face. 

“Yes!” They replied simultaneously, and the two of them quietly got back to work.

\-----

“I’m telling you! He was sitting insanely close to you even before he did the whole leaning in thing, there is no way that man does not have feelings for you.” Shibayama insisted as the three of them made their way back to Lev’s house. The rest of the study session had gone uneventfully, though Yaku and himself had been a lot more distant than before. On the plus side, Lev now officially understood chemical equations. 

“And I’m telling you, I think I would have noticed him doing that. You’re just imagining things I bet.” Lev replied firmly. Shibayama scoffed.

“Of course you didn't notice, you were too blinded by the hearts in your eyes.”

“Whatever, whatever.” Lev sighed, waving his hands in a dismissive gesture. “Where did you guys run off to anyway?”

“We just hid in the bathroom.” Answered Inouka. 

“It was incredibly cramped. You’re welcome, by the way. Honestly, the things we do for you.” Shibayama shook his head, his dark hair bouncing with the motion. 

“What were you guys talking about when we came back anyway?” Inouka asked. “It looked like we interrupted something.” 

“Yeah, you guys looked really flustered,” Shibayama added, “What was up with that?” 

“Oh my goodness, were you two kissing?!” Inouka shouted excitedly.

“What? No! Of course not!” Lev replied, feeling the heat rushing to his face. Oh god, Yaku was close enough to kiss earlier wasn’t he? The thought hadn’t even occurred to him at the time, but looking back, he couldn’t get the image out of his head. 

“I think Lev would physically combust if he even tried to initiate something like that.” Shibayama snickered.

“I would not!” Lev retorted, reaching out and shoving Shibayama to the side. Despite his annoyance towards his friends the past two days, he was thankful that he reconciled with them. It was nice to be joking around and bickering once again. 

“Then what were you talking about?” Inouka sang, a suggestive expression on his face. Lev gave him a small shove as well. 

“Nothing! Books, I dunno.” Re-remembering the conversation would only send Lev’s gut in a twist. _Maybe we should read a book together sometime_ , Lev was sure that Yaku hadn’t meant to make that sound as suggestive as it did, but regardless it sent his heart fluttering. The concept felt so intimate––so warm and romantic, and really everything he wanted with Yaku––he couldn’t believe he had gotten him so riled up with such an innocent suggestion. He felt a little bad though, he was sure that Yaku was embarrassed at how strange the suggestion sounded, especially judging by how red he seemed when Inouka and Shibayama walked in unannounced. The three of them turned into Lev’s street. 

“Anyway, what’s the next confession going to be?” Inouka asked. Lev was silent for a moment, considering his options. Him and his friends had tried about everything he could think of, who else could he… 

“I think I have an idea.” He said thoughtfully.

“Oh?” Shibayama encouraged. 

“But… you’ll have to wait until Monday to hear about it.” Lev grinned mischievously. 

“What? Unfair!” Inouka whined, and Shibayama only groaned in protest. 

“That’s revenge for springing the whole study-date on me without any warning.” The two of them scoffed, Shibayama mumbling something unflattering. “See you guys Monday!” He chirped, and skipped off towards his front door. 

Lev hadn’t exactly been truthful with his friends just now. He didn’t have any ideas on how to confess to Yaku, but he had an idea on who would. It was just a matter of whether he was willing to go through with the embarrassing conversation that was about to come. 

He walked through the door, kicking off his shoes and making his way into the house. Finding the living room empty, he went upstairs. Alisa didn’t have any plans today as far as Lev knew, but she might have gone grocery shopping while he was away. Luckily, he found her in her bedroom, sitting on her bed and scrolling through her phone. Once she noticed his joyful expression, she gave him a wide smile. 

“Lyovochka!” She greeted cheerfully. “How was the study session with your friends?” Lev dropped his backpack by the wall, leaning against the doorway. 

“Yeah, really well. I’ve finally grasped chemical equations, so that’s neat.” 

“Excellent. How did talking with your friends go?” 

“It went fine. We’re on good terms again so that’s good.” He hesitated for a moment. “Hey, can I get your advice on something?”

“Always.” She sat up, patting the space on the bed beside her, and he went and sat down. 

“So say that I hypothetically wanted to ask someone out, how would I do it?” Lev asked, and Alisa awed, folding her hands over her heart. 

“My little Lyovochka has a crush! You’re growing up so fast!” He groaned at her doting, and she laughed merrily. “Come on, I want to hear everything about her!” 

“Him, actually.” Lev started. “His name is Yaku, he’s a third year on my volleyball team, and he’s just so,” He gestured wildly, “You know?” She giggled, nodding. “I’ve been trying to confess to him for a few days now, but, well… he’s really oblivious and my confessions keep going over his head.”

“Well, what have you tried so far?” Alisa asked.

“I tried writing him a note, I tried a pickup line, I tried asking him out to the movies, and none of it has worked so far. My friends also keep coming up with really elaborate schemes like getting him to tutor us––oh, right, Yaku-san was the person tutoring us today–– but they just overcomplicate things, and I guess I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and at a loss for what to do.” 

“I think you should just try being honest with him, have you tried directly telling him your feelings?” She suggested. 

“I tried, but I got too nervous and couldn’t go through with it.” He admitted, and she smiled sympathetically. 

“Okay then. Well, everyone loves compliments! How about you start with one of those and lead into a conversation that way?” She proposed. 

“That sounds good!” Lev exclaimed. “What kind of compliment though?” 

“Try something you admire about him. What qualities does Yaku-san have that you really like?” Alisa asked. Lev thought about it for a moment. There were so many things he liked about him. 

“Well, he’s really smart and works really hard all the time, he’s always trying to help and motivate everyone, he’s really sweet and kind hearted… and I think he’s adorable.” She awed again and he felt his face heat up. 

“It sounds like you really like him.” She smiled. 

“I do.” Lev replied softly. 

“You should tell him that you think he’s cute! That would be a perfect opener!” Alisa advised happily. He grinned at the idea. 

“Yeah! Okay, thanks Alisa!” She pulled him in a hug, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly. She was always there for him, Lev was so lucky to have such a great older sister. 

“Anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about to go on a bit of a rant here. 
> 
> I spent 3 HOURS researching chemical equations for this chapter. I DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND CHEMICAL EQUATIONS WHEN I DID THEM IN SCHOOL. I HATE CHEMICAL EQUATIONS. The entire writing process was me regretting choosing science as the subject they were studying. I could have chosen maths. I was going to chose trigonometry, but no I just had to make myself suffer. 
> 
> *Long, shuddering sigh*
> 
> Okay I'm calm. Anyway, this chapter ended up being WAY longer than I intended. I expected this to be like 3,000 words and it ended up being 6,500. I suppose that's something to be excited about. Yay content...? It was pretty fun to write aside from the whole chemistry thing. If you actually understand chemistry feel free to roast me in the comment section. 
> 
> Did I mention that we're halfway through the fic? I'm aiming for it to be about 8 chapters long, so hey that's exciting! The next chapter is going to be pretty brief (at least, in comparison to this one) so it should be finished fairly soon. 
> 
> Anyway, that's all from me for now. As always, any feedback/comments/criticism/thoughts are always appreciated, tumblr is writing-and-bad-decisions if you wanted to come and insult my chemistry skills over there (or say hi I guess, though an insult would probably be funnier)
> 
> Farewell~


	5. Chapter 5

The three first years intercepted Lev on his way to the change room Monday morning. 

“Well? Inouka prompted, jumping from foot-to-foot impatiently. “Are you going to tell us or not?” 

“Good morning to you too.” Lev replied, incredibly entertained by his friends’ excited and restless demeanour. He’d done a lot of thinking over the weekend, examining his previous confession attempts and figuring out what had gone in the past, and he had narrowed down the causes to two recurring issues:

1\. Yaku is really oblivious  
2\. Lev hasn’t been direct enough

With his newest idea, courtesy of his sister’s help, he was confident that this attempt would go along smoothly. 

“Cut the pleasantries, we wanna hear your mysterious plan already.” Drawled Shibayama, who’s mood seemed to be balanced between eagerness and boredom. 

“I’m also incredibly curious.” Added Teshiro, who was much more relaxed than the other two. 

“It’s my sister’s plan, actually.” Lev began as the four of them walked into the change room. It was empty, luckily. A perfect time to give his friends the run-down of it. 

“Stop with the fluff already.” Shibayama heckled. They set their gym bags down on the bench and began changing. 

“Fine, fine.” Lev said, unbuttoning his shirt. “Well, she suggested that starting the conversation with a compliment would be a great way to lead into a confession, so I’m going to tell him that I think he’s cute.”

“... That’s it?” Shibayama asked, eyebrows raised. 

“That’s lame!” Whined Inouka. 

“It’s not lame.” Replied Lev as he slipped his practice shirt over his head. “It’s a good idea. Nice and simple, unlike the ridiculous stunts you’ve been pulling.”

“The study-date was not ridiculous.” Pouted Inouka, crossing his arms over his bare chest. 

“It was a little silly.” Said Teshiro gently, causing Inouka to gasp in mild offence. 

“Nah, I agree with Lev, simplicity is the way to go.” Said Kuroo. 

The four of them whipped their heads around in surprise, and were alarmed to see Kuroo, Kai and Kenma standing in the doorway. Lev felt a trickle of dread accumulate in his gut. While Kenma looked disinterested for the most part, his head buried in his phone, the other two were incredibly amused, Kuroo especially was grinning ear-to-ear. Seeing the panic on Lev’s face, Kuroo assured. 

“Don’t worry, Yaku isn’t with us.” The four of them relaxed, and Lev reflected that he wasn’t feeling as nervous or embarrassed as he likely should have been after getting walked in on. His upperclassmen discovering his crush has become such a common occurrence, perhaps he was getting desensitised by it. Though, he felt a little sour about the fact that, now that Kai knew about his crush, that meant that the entire volleyball team knew about his feelings for Yaku except Yaku. 

The complete opposite of what he had intended. 

“Ah, so this is why you’ve been so excited to go to practice recently.” Kai said to Kuroo, and the two of them shared a secretive smile. Lev got a bad feeling as he looked between them. 

“Kuroo’s right though.” Said Kau as they made their way towards the bench. “Yaku may be the smartest person in the club––”

“Second smartest, actually.” Kuroo interrupted, shirt half-over his head. 

“––but he’s as dense as a brick. Straightforward is certainly the way to go.”

“Ah, young love.” Kuroo sighed, leaning his arm on Kenma’s shoulder, who quickly shrugged it off. 

“Enough with the old man talk, Kuroo.” He mumbled, putting his phone away and unpacking his practice clothes from his bag. 

“Anyway, good luck with the whole confession business.” Kuroo said, dismissing the conversation with a lazy wave behind his head. 

“Wait a minute!” Lev said quickly. “You guys are close with Yaku-san, surely he would tell you if he had feelings for someone.” 

“Obviously.” Kuroo replied, not looking up from where he was pulling off his pants. 

“So?” 

“So what?”

“Well, does he like me?” Lev asked. Kai looked up from his own clothes, watching Kuroo’s reaction carefully, though he said nothing. The question was a long-shot, and if he was being perfectly honest Lev would prefer not to hear the answer. But, if it could save him the trouble, he’d gladly rip the bandaid off. 

“I can’t tell you that.” Kuroo replied, and Lev’s shoulders sagged. 

“Why not?” 

“It’s not our place.” Kai piped up beside him, thought Lev sensed that there was more to it than that. 

“... Can you tell me if he doesn’t like me?” Lev tried. 

“Nope.” Kuroo said as he gathered up his belongings. “We cannot confirm nor deny.” 

“Oh come on Kuroo!” Lev huffed. 

“It’s a shot in the dark. Have fun with that!” He sang as he made his way out the door. Kenma rolled his eyes and followed behind, giving Lev a quick glance as he left, though offered no commentary of his own.

“That’s a little cruel.” Kai muttered, and he turned and gave Lev a smile. “It’ll be fine, just try not to worry about it too much.” He turned to the whole group. “I’ll see you guys in the gym.” The four first years were silent for a moment, still stunned by the strange encounter. 

“That was… unhelpful.” Shibayama said after a beat. Lev sat down on the bench. 

“Yeah, it was.” He didn’t really know what he expected to gain out of that conversation. Of course they would never blatantly tell Lev if Yaku returned his feelings, because they would never violate his trust like that, but still. If they could have at least told him whether he didn’t and spared him the trouble, that would have been nice. At the very least they didn’t need to act so cryptic and suspicious. 

“Don’t listen to Kuroo.” Inouka said, patting Lev on the shoulder. He was still shirtless. “This doesn’t change anything! We can still go as planned.”

“Of course.” Lev agreed, though he couldn’t help feeling cheated somehow. 

\-----

Lev spent the entire day rehearsing the plan in his head. He was going to do it during personal practice (Yaku was too elusive to try and track down during the break, and although he wasn’t fond of the idea of doing it in front of the team, it was really the only chance Lev had alone with him), and once they had a moment to themselves, he would say it. 

_”Yaku-san, I think you’re really cute.”_

In the ideal scenario, Yaku would reply positively, possibly bashfully as well, and Lev would continue, “I really like you, will you go out with me?” It was perfect. Succinct. Direct. Everything he needed it to be. No gaffes, no stumbling over his words. He just wanted his message to be clear. 

Then, Lev could either be rejected, or have his feelings reciprocated. Regardless of the outcome, he would be able to move on from all of this. 

He kept up the mantra, let it imprint itself in his mind. 

_I think you’re cute. I think you’re cute. I think you’re really cute. Yaku-san, I think you’re really cute._

By the beginning of practice, Lev was nervous, but he was also feeling confident. The team went through their usual routine; warmups, a few quick drills, a short match, and then it was time to break off into their individual practice. Lev was practically buzzing with anticipation as Yaku appeared beside him. 

“Ready to practice?” He asked. Yaku’s tone was a lot terser than usual, but Lev didn’t let that deter him at all. 

“Yup!” He chirped, and allowed himself to be led over to the side of the gym. He ignored the looks that the rest of the team gave him, not wanting to speculate on the likelihood of Kuroo gossiping about his plan to the second years. He wouldn’t put it past him. 

“Your receiving skills have been improving quite a lot lately, but you’re still lacking a lot of control.” Yaku droned, a slight impatience to his tone, though Lev had trouble focusing on his words with the blood pounding in his ears. “Therefore, I think we should work on…”

This was it. He was going to do it. You’re cute, I think you’re cute. 

“Are you listening to me?” Yaku’s voice cut through his thoughts, his tone sharp. Lev blinked, taking in Yaku’s peevish attitude. 

“Yes, sorry.” He replied, and Yaku turned and continued walking. “Ah, Yaku-san!” Lev said before he could resume talking. 

“Yes?” He sighed, not looking up. Lev didn’t allow himself to hesitate, didn’t allow himself to get deterred by Yaku’s irritable mood. He spoke without a second thought. 

“I think you’re really cute.” 

Yaku stopped abruptly, almost causing Lev to stumble into him, and when he turned around, his expression was dark. The piercing glare he sent him caused Lev to take a step back. 

“Wow, really?” He snapped, gritting his teeth. “Another short jab?” 

“Wait, that’s not––” But he didn’t finish before Yaku gave him a sharp kick to the shin and marched off towards the other side of the gym. Lev let out an annoyed groan as he squeezed his palm into his face, hot frustration bubbling in his gut. 

He could hear Kuroo cackling somewhere nearby, and he dug his fingernails into his eyebrows, trying to quell the searing anger he could feel travelling in his veins. A hand appeared on his back, and he looked up to find Kai standing next to him. 

“He’s just stressed out today, don’t take it personally.” Lev opened his mouth, wanting to ask how _exactly_ he wasn’t supposed to take it personally, before he promptly slammed it shut, not trusting himself with his words. 

Kai left a moment later and Lev was left standing there, struggling to compose himself as he waited for Yaku to return. If he returned at all. He dug his fingers into the fabric of his pants in an attempt to calm his shaky hands. 

_Idiot. You absolute idiot. This was so simple, so easy, how could you mess this up?_

Yaku returned a few moments later, and they continued their practice as usual, though in a terse silence. 

\-----

Lev didn’t speak for the remainder of practice, and the other first years didn’t know what to do about it. He took his time getting changed, and the three of them followed his lead, lingering until it was only the four of them in the change room. Once they were alone, Lev dropped himself down on the bench burying his face in his hands once more. Inouka sat down beside him. 

“It wasn’t that bad––” 

“Wasn’t that bad?” Lev repeated, his body rigid with anger. He lifted his head to look at his friends. “Are you serious? It wasn’t ‘that bad’? Tell me how that possible wasn’t _bad_!” His whole body shuddered as he exhaled. “I don’t think I can take much more of this.” Teshiro bit his lip. 

“Lev––”

“What’s the point?” Lev gestured sharply. “Why should I keep putting my dignity on the line, being humiliated time after time, when he probably doesn’t even like me?” It was stupid. The whole thing was so incredibly stupid. Why did he let his friends talk him into doing this? Because of some naive hope that Yaku might say yes? He knew deep down that he could never return Lev’s feelings, had he really just been in denial this whole time?

“Don’t say that.” Inouka argued quietly, reaching his hand towards Lev’s shoulder. Lev brushed him off, fixing him with tired eyes. 

“He kicked me, Inouka. You don’t kick people you have feelings for.” 

“He’s kicked you before.” Shibayama said, leaning against the lockers. “How is this any different from last time?”

“Oh you’re right, silly me, I forgot that _kicking people_ was a part of the dating ritual.” 

“Calm down Lev, we’re not going to get anywhere like this.” Teshiro urged beside him. Lev glared at the floor, his leg bobbing frantically. 

“What? So I’m not allowed to be angry? Is that it? I’m just supposed to move on as if all of this doesn’t bother me?” 

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He replied patiently. His calm tone made Lev want to break something. 

“It’ll be fine!” Inouka interrupted with a smile, though his voice was wavering as he struggled to maintain his cheerful tone. “We can come back from this, we just need to think of another––” 

“No amount of _thinking_ is going to make him like me.” He huffed, pushing himself off the bench. “I’m done.” He growled. “No more confessions, no more schemes. I’m sick of my feelings being treated like a joke by everyone. If he does like me, which he _doesn’t_ , by the way, then he can damn well confess himself!” 

The door opened. 

Yaku stepped inside. 

Every single muscle in Lev’s body froze up, and it was as if time stopped as the five of them stared at each other. Lev’s heart convulsed in his cheating, searing against his icy ribcage. 

“Sorry, I forgot my jacket.” Awkwardly, he made his way across the room and picked up a red Nekoma jacket Lev hadn’t even noticed slouched against the bench. 

He overheard. There’s no way he couldn’t have. Panic swirled and eddied in Lev’s body like a whirlpool of freezing water, biting at every nerve and muscle fibre with frigid teeth. His lungs were filled with frost, and he couldn’t breath as he watched Yaku make his way towards the door, the silence screaming in his ears. Yaku reached the exit, but paused in the doorway. 

In his peripheral vision, Lev could see his friends glancing between each other, their faces equally anxious, but he couldn’t force his gaze away from Yaku’s back. Slowly, he turned around, his expression nervous and uncertain. 

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I’m sorry, but I heard you talking on my way up…” Lev couldn’t breath, couldn’t think. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. This wasn’t how he was supposed to find out. “Look, I know this kind of situation can feel difficult, but… don’t give up on your feelings for someone, even if you think they’re more likely to reject you than anything, you never know unless you try.” Yaku gave him a small smile, but there was something sad in his eyes as he continued. “You’ve got an attractive personality Lev, honestly, anyone would be lucky to have you. So don’t feel discouraged, yeah?”

Yaku gave another glance around the room before nodding, more to himself than anyone else, before he excused himself. The door closed with a soft click. 

Yaku gave another glance around the room before nodding, more to himself than them, before he excused himself. The door closed with a soft click. 

The silence was broken by a large gasp as Lev inhaled and he stumbled back onto the bench, panting as he struggled to catch his breath. Around him, his friend’s posture slackened with relief. 

“Oh my god.” Inouka breathed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.” Teshiro nodded beside him, swallowing thickly. 

“Neither.” He said. 

“How can someone smart possibly be so _dense_?” Shibayama exclaimed dumbfoundedly , and Lev could only shrug in response.

“So… what now?” Inouka asked. He didn’t respond, Yaku’s words echoing in his head. 

_You never know unless you try_

_You’ve got an attractive personality Lev, honestly, anyone would be lucky to have you_

If Yaku hadn’t already established himself to be the most oblivious person on the face of the earth, Lev may have thought––may have hoped––it was some elaborate hint. But no, if Yaku really did walk in here thinking that he was intruding on a conversation about him, he wouldn’t have responded in such a way. He’d misinterpreted the situation and given him advice like the good upperclassmen he was. But still, Lev couldn’t help but wonder, but did he look so sad about it? He couldn’t help but scowl at the wall as he considered all of this. 

Yaku was a confusing person. One interaction with him would lead to questions, leave him wondering whether there was a possibility that he could like him back, and others, like earlier in the gym, made him feel naive for even considering it. Mixed signals, that’s all he ever seemed to give him. Lev would almost think Yaku was intentionally leading him on, if it weren’t for how genuinely kind he was. 

Nope, turns out he was just plain stupid. 

Stupid and impossibly sincere, and Lev couldn’t help the blossom of warmth that was weaving it’s way through his frozen chest, slowly thawing and melting away his previous panic. 

He stretched out, leaning back against the wall and running his fingers through his hair, trying to release the tension in his body. He was feeling hot again, but like a phoenix rebirthed, it was the familiar affection and heartache that warmed him rather than anger. His friends peered at him expectantly, thought cautiously, as if might blow up again. He let out a long sigh. 

“One more attempt.” Lev said, and held up his hand to hush their received and joyful expressions. “But I’m doing it on my own terms, and I’m not going to rush into it.” Inouka grinned. 

“I was going to say, you can’t exactly give up now that he’s practically telling you to pursue him.” 

“That’s not what––” Lev sighed, too emotionally exhausted to argue. “Whatever, let’s head home.” 

“You know,” Shibayama said, as the four of them walked out of the school grounds, sun setting on the horizon. “You would think after this morning, we would have learned to lock the change room door.” Inouka giggled and Lev could only huff at his friend’s miraculous ability to always find the humour in his suffering. 

“No more personal discussions in the change rooms.” He deadpanned. “ _Noted_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello, here we are again. 
> 
> This chapter was kind of annoying to write, not for any reason in particular, the scenes just didn't work the way I wanted them to so I'm not that happy with this one. Shout-out to the person who guessed exactly how this confession would go wrong, I panicked for a moment when I read the comment and then remembered... oh right, literally all of Yaku and Lev's interactions in the anime end with Lev getting kicked, lol. 
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed. There's gonna be a big change of pace in the next chapter which I'm excited for, and I hope you will be as well. I'm started up school again so unfortunately chapters are going to be coming out a little less frequently, not by any dramatic extent of course, but just so you know. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, any thoughts/feedback/whatever is appreciated, and I'll see you in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Lev stuck true to his word and took a break from confession attempts, waiting for the perfect opportunity to arrive instead of trying to force it every time. It was actually quite a relief being able to hangout with Yaku again without the impending stress of a possible confession. It was nice, Lev had almost forgotten how relaxing he was to be around. 

After the events of Monday night, he had gone home feeling horribly lost and confused, so he sought the advice of his sister. 

_“How did it go?” Alisa asked as he walked into her room. He flung himself onto her bed, groaning into the pink, decorative pillows. “... that bad?” Lev shifted to expose his face._

_“He took it as an insult. I forgot how sensitive he was about his height… god, I’m such an idiot.” He sat up, grabbing his sister’s hand desperately. “Alisa, I really don’t know what to do, it just feels so hopeless! How am I supposed to confess to someone if my attempts keep going over his head?_

_“I want to give up, but I… I feel like I would be disappointed in myself if I did. I wanna give it one more try, but I don’t know how.” She squeezed his hand._

_“Lev, sweetheart, the only way for you to get the message across is to be direct. Tell him, ‘Yaku-san, I have feelings for you.’ nice and clear, you can’t go wrong with that.”_

If he was being honest with himself, Lev was out of hope. At this point, all he wanted was a rejection. If he could get rejected, he’d be able to move on from this whole mess once and for all. 

HIs friends had been giving him space about the matter, not pushing him to confess before he was ready to, which he was thankful for, though they were still adamant that there was no way Yaku couldn’t like him back. 

_“He called your personality attractive!” Inouka insisted for about the fourth time that week. “How could he not like you?”_

Lev didn’t have the heart to tell them he disagreed, and instead just brushed them off whenever they brought up any “evidence”. 

Kuroo had been watching him a lot the past couple of days, especially during his interactions with Yaku. If he was worried that Lev hadn’t tried to confess again, he didn’t say anything, though Lev suspected that he just missed his daily source of entertainment. He didn’t mind the staring all that much though, as long as Kuroo didn’t try to pester him about it. 

He was waiting for the perfect opportunity, and it wasn’t until Thursday when it arrived. 

Him and Yaku were walking home together, after having stayed back late to practice. It was a nice afternoon, warm, with the setting sun bathing the world in an orange glow and setting Yaku’s brown hair alight. The neighbourhood was quiet and empty, peaceful, and the two of them were walking in a comfortable silence. 

It was then that the thought hit Lev, a sudden urgency that made him physically tense.

_It was now or never_

The anxiety uncurled in his gut like a flower blooming, it’s petals pressing restlessly on the walls of his stomach. His lungs felt suddenly heavy, as if filled with pollen, and he pressed his gaze into the pavement, trying to suppress the nervousness building inside of him. 

He couldn’t look at Yaku, the awareness of his presence beside him was enough to stifle his voice. He needed to remain calm. Lev tried to distract himself with his surroundings. He listened to the sound of their shoes scraping against the concrete, of the wind rustling the nearby trees and of the birds chatting. He felt the stiffness of his pants, rubbing the cotton fabric between his fingertips. He felt the hard footpath through his shoes, the weight of his bag on his shoulder. He took a slow breath of the air, let its freshness fill his senses and clear his airways, felt his chest rise and fall with the effort. He let the sensation of his lungs pressing against his ribcage overshadow the pressure of his beating heart. Lev’s lips parted. 

“I have feelings for you.” 

The wind blew, cold fingers brushed the roots of his hair, tracing the length of his silver locks and ruffling them softly. His tie flapped gently against his chest, the red fabric fluttering in and out of his vision. The shadow of a bird flickered in and out between the dark outline of the surrounding buildings. Yaku spoke. 

“Did you say something?” Lev pried his eyes off the ground and turned to see Yaku, his arm floating beside his chin and an earbud pinched between his fingers. His lip quivered. 

“No, it was…” His lungs shook as he exhaled. “Stupid, don’t worry about it.” Yaku pulled the other earbud out, shoving the earphones and his phone into his blazer pocket. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you, I was just listening to something.”

“It’s fine, really it––” Lev’s voice cracked, “––was nothing important.” He focused his burning eyes on the street in front of them. Yaku stared at him for a long moment.

“... are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.” He forced a smile, his throat tight. “You know me, always talking nonsense. I don’t think you would have cared much anyway.” Every excuse, every sharp betrayal of his heart felt like a stab to the chest. Yaku opened his mouth, before closing it. Lev wished he knew what he wanted to say. 

“Well, anyway!” Lev chirped as they approached his front yard, far too forcefully. “I’ll see you on Friday.” Yaku stared at him again, trying to analyse his face, but Lev didn’t meet his eyes. Finally, he looked away.

“Yeah… see you.” Lev watched his back as he walked up the street, hands in his pockets. Hot tears spilled down his cheeks. He willed Yaku to turn around, to come back, to offer some kind of comfort. 

But he just kept walking, turning the corner and disappearing out of sight. 

Lev stared out at the empty street as the light of the sun faded, sending the world into a dull blue. The lines of the world became blurred, undefined through his tear filled eyes. A sob pushed its way through his throat, then another, and then turbulent gasps shook his entire body. 

He felt hot and cold, light and heavy, empty and full and so many other conflicting sensations all at once. His head spun and his gut lashed out, writhing and flailing against itself. His shoulders quaked, sending tremors through every inch of his nervous system. His bones turned to glass, his legs seized up and became brittle, as if a single breath could snap them in two. 

His heart was erratic, too small and fragile to handle the panic inside of him. His lungs felt bottomless, and his breaths were too shallow to fill them. Everything inside of him felt wrong, and through the storm that raged inside, through the tempestuous mayhem, Lev could only formulate one thought:

He just got his heart broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I'm sorry.
> 
> Hello again!
> 
> I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out. For one, I feel like I really nailed the emotional intensity of this scene and the overall atmosphere, and two it was SO FUCKING EASY TO WRITE, you have no idea. I mean obviously, this is the shortest chapter in the fic, but it barely took two days to write and the first draft came out so refined I barely had to make any adjustments. 
> 
> I'm very pleased. And, personally I honestly feel like this is the best written chapter so far (but don't you worry, chapter 8 is going to top this one effortlessly) Speaking of which, wow! Only two chapters left to go! How did that happen? Though rest assured that the next two chapters are going to be pretty long. 
> 
> I'm excited though, the pace of the story is really changing from this point on, and overall I think you're all going to really enjoy where this ends up.
> 
> Also, can I just thank you guys for all the nice comments you've been leaving? It genuinely makes me really happy to see other people excited about my writing and it's really nice to hear people's thoughts on it and the characters. I also really appreciate the people who have been leaving comments on every chapter as they read, it's honestly really cool to see how your thoughts progress throughout the story. I do recognise frequent commenters and it's such a nice feeling to post a chapter and then go "OH! So-and-so commented again <3" So yeah, thank you!
> 
> Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. I hope you enjoyed, I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I'll see you in the next chapter!
> 
> Bye!


	7. Chapter 7

Lev barely spoke Friday morning. 

His friends met him eagerly at the school gate, but upon seeing his wretched expression, their faces fell, asking quiet questions which he dismissed with the shake of a head. He didn’t want to talk about it. 

The previous night was spent sobbing on the front lawn and then sobbing in his bed, his sister’s delicate fingers running through his hair. She didn’t ask any questions and he didn’t provide any answers, simply sitting with him in silence as he mourned his broken heart. 

He told Alisa about it this morning. He told her that he was an idiot, and a coward, and a moron who couldn’t even get rejected properly. She just shook her head, pink lips pressed into a thin line, and slid another pancake onto his plate. 

The other first years offered to skip volleyball practice with him, but Lev refused. As much as he didn’t want to go, he thought he would hate himself even more if he gave up on this as well. Besides, he needed something else to focus on rather than the sharp ache in his chest. 

Yamamoto greeted him as he entered the change room, but he didn’t reply. Kuroo attempted cracking a joke with him, resting his hand on his shoulder, but Lev just shrugged him off. He ignored the concerned looks his upperclassmen sent his way. 

He had been hoping to avoid Yaku for as long as physically possible, but fate seemed to have other plans as Lev ran into him at the entrance to the gym. Yaku smiled and said hi, but it was too much of an effort to even look his way. Lev averted his eyes and mumbled a greeting in return, hurrying through the door and pretending not to notice the way Yaku’s face fell. 

It was the first practice in a long time that Lev had his full attention on the game, and he focused all of his energy in making every interaction with the ball count. For a little while he was able to push his feelings far back into the corners of his mind, forgetting everything except the sweat on his back and the sting of the ball of his forearms. He absorbed the impact of the ball and it flew upwards, sailing neatly towards Teshiro, though any satisfaction he may have felt crumbled away with Yaku’s shout. 

“Nice receive!” 

Their eyes met across the court and Lev quickly looked away, but the damage was done, and all the heaviness inside of him returned as quickly as flipping a switch. 

Lev was not a quiet person by any means, nor was he reserved, so his drastic change in attitude had the whole team thrown off. There was an uncomfortable energy in the air as his teammates and his friends glanced between themselves, their confusion and concern like a static buzz lining Lev’s skin. No one knew what to say to him, and it seemed to quickly dawn on everything that they had never seen Lev sad before. 

Sad wasn’t even the word for it. 

When Lev was sad he got pouty. He whined and moaned and made everyone aware of the fact––made it everyone else’s problem. This was something else entirely. Lev was dejected, closed off and, most concerning of all, quiet. It was like he was a completely different person, and his behaviour was so foreign that no one had any idea what to do about it. 

Practice ended and Lev didn’t even have the energy to feel relieved. Coach Nekomata and his club advisor pulled him aside as everyone else left the gym, inquiring about him, and he made up some forgettable excuse for his gloomy mood. They looked doubtful but let him leave regardless. 

Lev had never considered the value of his feelings before. More specifically, whether it was worth having feelings for someone. 

Throughout the last two weeks he had never stopped to consider whether his feelings for Yaku were a bad thing. But here he was, sitting in science class and holding back tears as he read over his quiz results. Barely being able to make out the red **100%** marked on his page through his tears. 

Was it worth liking someone if all it brought you was heartache? Was Yaku worth liking if liking him meant hurting because of it?

Lev hated himself for asking that, hated himself because _of course_ Yaku was worth liking. Yaku was worth all the feelings in the world, and if given the opportunity Lev didn’t want to stop liking him. 

His affections for him wasn’t a negative emotion. It wasn’t a bad thing to like someone, though really if that were true then why would liking someone be able to stir up so many hurtful emotions within a person. 

Lev was previous content with just liking Yaku; content with admiring him from a distance. But then, the prospect of confessing to him had made him greedy. He wasn’t satisfied with his crush anymore, he wasn’t content with keeping his feelings to himself. 

Secrets weren’t a thing that Lev liked keeping. He wanted his thoughts and feelings to be known to the world, he wanted to be honest and genuine in every aspect of his life, and despite his best efforts, he had failed in that. 

He wasn’t ready to confess, and he should have been honest about that to himself and his friends. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault that he got himself hurt because of that. There was no one else to blame but himself. 

Lev didn’t want to confess at first, that was true, but at some point during the whole process, he became desperate to tell Yaku his feelings. He was still desperate, but… he was also tired, and trying again was not something he was willing to put himself through anymore. 

He took a deep breath and sat back in his chair, taking a moment to compose himself. Around him his classmates were flicking through their booklets, looking over their answers, but Lev couldn’t do it. He couldn’t look back over the chemical equations knowing that it was thanks to Yaku’s help that he had done so well. Any flicker of warmth those thoughts would have previously brought him were replaced by a cold ache in his chest. 

Lev knew what it meant to love someone, and he knew that he didn’t love Yaku. He loved his sister, and his mother, and he didn’t know Yaku enough to love him. 

But he wanted to.

If the past two weeks had taught him anything, it was that. When he was around Yaku he could feel his fondness for him grow. There was this warmth, this flame inside of him that only Yaku would fan, and Lev knew he was falling in love with him. He knew he had the potential to love him, and that fact was as exciting as it was terrifying. 

It was inevitable, and Lev didn’t know what to do about it. 

So there he was, sitting in his science class without any idea how to proceed with such conflicting emotions inside of him. He didn’t know if he could stand being friends with Yaku anymore, he didn’t know if he could stand being _only_ friends, and he didn’t know if he would be able to survive if he cut him out of life entirely. 

It sounded easy on paper, to just stop liking him. Surely to get a crush on someone there would be some kind of process, couldn’t he just do all the steps in reverse? Stop spending so much time with Yaku, stop walking home with him. Stop thinking about how pretty he is, stop thinking about him in general. Stop letting Yaku touch him, because although Yaku wasn’t a very touchy person, he had a tendency to grab Lev and drag him places, and really that was enough to drive him crazy. 

Surely distancing himself from him would work, right?

But then… wouldn’t forcing himself away from Yaku hurt just as bad? Wouldn’t it hurt Yaku if he just started avoiding him all of a sudden? He already looked sad during practice that morning, it wouldn’t be fair for him to ruin their friendship for seemingly no reason. 

The bell rang, starling Lev from his thoughts, and around him the class rushed to pack up. It was the end of the day. It was time for club activities. 

Lev took his time packing away his stationary––whether out of avoidance or sluggishness, he didn’t know––and once he was done him and Teshiro were the last ones in the classroom. 

They made their way quietly through the halls and down the stairs until they ended up outside the exit leading to the gym. They stood there for a long moment, and Lev flinched as Teshiro placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“We can skip if you want, your choice.” He said. 

Lev hadn’t given his friends enough credit for their support. 

He told them about what had happened at lunch, and they’d realised the severity of the situation enough to have the courtesy not to laugh, though Shibayama made some comments about Yaku being the “Densest moron in the history of morons.” (Lev couldn’t exactly fault that assessment) 

They agreed to drop the confession plan for good, (though, somehow that made Lev feel even worse) and they spent lunchtime lying on the grass outside, discussing random topics that wouldn’t remind him of Yaku. 

Lev sighed and shook his head. 

“I can’t hide from this. Besides, it’s not fair for the rest of the team.” Teshiro nodded and they made their way towards the change rooms. 

Afternoon practice was somehow even stranger than in the morning. 

The whole team seemed to be quieter than normal, as if Lev’s unusual behaviour had rubbed off on them and they’d forgotten how to act normal themselves. (Lev would have almost found it funny if he wasn’t feeling so horrible)

Yamamoto wasn’t shouting as much, Kenma was less irritable, and even Kuroo of all people seemed to have toned down the sly remarks. The only members of the team acting semi-normal were the other two first years, who were bubblier than usual in an attempt to keep Lev’s spirits up, though it was a little strained. 

It was almost as if the natural balance of the team had been thrown off, and Lev felt slightly guilting knowing he was the cause of it. 

The team played just as well as usual, though there was a noticeable distractibility as everyone seemed to be paying extra attention to Lev. In contrast to that, Lev was once again putting all of his energy into concentrating on the game and ignoring one libero in particular. 

He wasn’t very good at it.

They took a water break halfway through practice, and as he lifted his water bottle to his lips Lev couldn’t help but wonder if the team would ever stop openly staring at him. He was trying his hardest to not pay attention to him, but Lev seemed to have a sixth sense for everything Yaku-related as his eyes were drawn to the entrance of the gym as Kuroo and Yaku disappeared outside. He looked away, clenching the soft plastic of his bottle. 

They were going to move onto personal practice after the break, which Lev had been dreading all day long. No matter how well he had steered clear of Yaku thus far, he couldn’t avoid him any longer. 

The two third years reappeared just as the coach was calling everyone to resume practice, and Lev watched, his shoulders tense, as Yaku made his way over to him. 

“Are you ready? He asked, and Lev nodded, aiming his eyes at Yaku’s shirt collar. He felt like looking him in the eyes would cause him to fall to pieces. 

They started practicing, and it was even worse than Lev expected. Just being near Yaku was painful enough, but the guilt of practically ignoring him while he was right in front of him was clawing at him inside. He tried to focus on the ball and following Yaku’s instructions, but his spiralling thoughts were making him sloppy.

After about five minutes, Yaku spoke. 

“You’re uncharacteristically obedient today.” He remarked. Yaku’s tone was void of humour, and Lev could feel his eyes examining him carefully. Lev shrugged before sending the volleyball back towards him. As if coming to some decision, Yaku caught it. 

“Hey,” He began, taking a few steps towards him. “Is everything alright? You’ve been so quiet today, the whole team is really concerned…” He trailed off. Lev didn’t want to be near him. He didn’t want to look at him. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to lie to Yaku when he acted so damn caring all the time. 

“No… not really.” Lev admitted. He kept his gaze steadily on the ground beside him.

Yaku frowned. “Did something happen?” 

Lev snuck a glance at him and immediately regretted it. Yaku was frowning, his eyebrows crinkled with an honest concern. It was his eyes that did it though. Yaku looked at him with an unusual openness. His eyes were pleading, desperate for understanding, and at the same time, they were almost… sad, as if Lev’s own pain was hurting him as well. 

Any plans of dishonesty were gone in an instant, and Lev had the aching desire to tell him everything. 

“I…” Emotion clogged his throat, and instead of a word Lev only produced a hoarse noise. His eyes began to water, and seeing as such Yaku took a wary step forward. Lev closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He exhaled and the words spilled out of him. 

“I got my heart broken.”

There was the sound of a volleyball dropping to the floor, and Lev opened his eyes to see Yaku wide-eyed. He cleared his throat, attempting to school his features, but the shock was still there. 

“Oh, I… I’m so sorry.” He lifted his hand, as if to reach out and comfort him, but held it up uncertainly. After a moment he moved it forward and squeezed Lev’s arm. Whoever it was… they don’t deserve you. Anyone who can’t see how great you are is a fool, don’t think otherwise.” Yaku’s expression was stern, but soft, and the irony of the situation kind of made Lev want to break something. Instead, he just nodded. Yaku removed his hand and moved away slightly. 

“Let’s take a break.” He said. “How about you go outside and get some fresh air, and we can resume practice when you’re ready?” Lev wanted to refuse, to focus back on volleyball instead of being alone with his thoughts, but, he needed to put some distance between them, and this was the best opportunity to do so. 

He mumbled his agreement and turned away, quickly making his way towards the door to the gym. It closed behind with a thud and he collapsed on the steps. He rubbed at his damp eyes, desperately trying to scrub away his frustration. 

Why did he have to be so nice?

Why did he have to make this so much more difficult?

\-----

Lev lost track of how long he had been sitting outside the gym, staring out at the afternoon sky and wondering how hard he had to ram his head against the wall to forget everything about the last few weeks, but at some point he dragged himself back inside to face Yaku once more. 

The rest of practice was quite uneventful, except Yaku was acting… different. His whole demeanour had turned soft and warm, and it was driving Lev absolutely insane. He was trying to be nice, he was trying to be considerate, and Lev appreciated that, but, could he stop looking so pretty while doing it?

At the very least, his admission of hurt to Yaku had made him ease up slightly. His honesty with him, even if it wasn’t the whole truth, had lessened his guilt to a more manageable degree, though he was still feeling awful. 

Once practice finally ended, he took his time changing out of his clothing and encouraged his friends to head off without him, telling them he wanted to walk home alone today. They frowned at him, but didn’t argue, wishing him well and heading off. 

Lev sat down for a while and looked around the change room, enjoying the silence and solitude. It had been a long day, but he’d managed to survive it somehow. He was just thankful that he had the whole weekend to make sense of his feelings, and hopefully figure out a way to get over Yaku. It would be painful, and as much as Lev was against the idea, it was necessary. He just had to take it one day at a time he supposed. 

After a while Lev stood and finally decided to leave. 

He was making his way towards the front entrance when he caught sight of a figure standing by the gate. He paused, considering whether he should leave through one of the other exits, when Yaku turned and their eyes met. He smiled, lifting his hand in a slight wave. Regrettably, Lev started walking towards him, running through all the possible ways to escape the situation, and unfortunately drawing up a blank. He came to a stop as he drew near. 

“I wondered when you would be out.” Yaku remarked casually, an easiness to his tone. “I figured we could walk home together.” Lev blinked. 

“Oh, um,” Well he couldn’t exactly refuse, could he? Though walking home with Yaku was really the last place he wanted to be right now. “You didn’t have to wait for me.” Yaku gave a simple shrug. 

“I wanted to. Shall we?” He began walking and Lev followed mutely. A small bit of guilt crept over his shoulders at the realisation that he had left Yaku waiting for him as he loitered in the change room. Lev didn’t know how long he had been in there for, but the desolation of the school yard was enough to indicate it had been a while. 

Though, as bad as he felt, the knowledge that Yaku had been waiting for him for so long left him feeling traitorously warm. 

Everything inside of Lev had felt wrong today, and that awful feeling was only exemplified as he and Yaku walked. How could feelings be so conflicting? How could being in the vicinity of one person make him feel so peaceful and tense at the same time?

Lev kept his eyes on the pavement, though he quickly moved them to the sky at the sudden wave of nostalgia the moment gave him. He watched the soft afternoon colours and refused to remind himself of last night, though everything from the weather to the soft sounds of their shoes scuffing the concrete was achingly familiar. 

He still had no idea how he was meant to move on from this, move on from him. He didn’t start today thinking it would be easy, but somehow the day had exceeded his expectations on account of how difficult it suddenly was just to exist near Yaku. 

His feelings towards the third year were so conflicting, though he supposed everything relating to Yaku Morisuke was. Yaku was hard but soft, feisty but kind. He had a no-nonsense attitude but somehow managed to be so caring and understanding all the same. He was an enigma. A strange, gorgeous enigma that Lev desperately wished he could understand. Wished he was allowed to understand. 

But he wasn’t, and the simplicity of that fact was overwhelmingly painful. 

Lev had hoped that today would bring some kind of clarity, some kind of solution or at the very least, an idea of how he could proceed. It was fruitless though, and all this day had proved was how difficult heartbreak was. It wasn’t something you could just ignore or compartmentalise away. It was jarring, demanding attention and forcing itself to the forefront of his mind in such a way that Lev realised, pitifully, that his life from now on would be dealing with that fact. Dealing with that pain until he knew what to do with it. 

His only consolation was that he had the whole weekend to mull over it. 

“Hey Lev,” Yaku prompted, and without even trying Lev’s eyes met his. He hated how something so easy could be so painful, how looking his way could be both so effortless and inflict such a sharp sensation in his chest. “You’re not busy tomorrow, are you?” 

_Yes, I’m busy lying in bed all day and feeling sorry for myself._ He thought, but his attention was wrapped up in the curl of Yaku’s eyelashes and the realisation that, from this angle, his eyes looked impossibly pretty, so instead he replied,

“No.” Yaku’s eyes met his, causing his heart to physically flinch, and he pouted his lips, as if mulling over some thought. He licked them as he seemingly came to a decision. 

“Then, let’s hang out.” He said. Lev faltered. 

“What?”

“Yeah, come on, it’ll be fun.” Their eyes remained on each other as they walked. 

If Lev had been presented with this opportunity, oh, I don’t know, two days ago, he would have accepted it in a heartbeat. He would have thought, Yes, this would be the perfect time to confess!

Post-rejection-that-barely-counts-as-a-rejection-Lev wanted absolutely nothing less than to spend the day solely with Yaku. He was tired. So, so tired, and he didn’t need any more stressful encounters in his life. 

“I really don’t know if I’m up for it…” Lev said, trying to give Yaku the hint that he REALLY just needed to be alone. 

“Come on,” Said Yaku, who was terrible at picking up hints, “I’ll take you out. I feel a little guilty that I encouraged you to confess to that person when it didn’t go so well… so I wanna make it up to you. Cheer you up.” He smiled softly at him, and any refusal Lev had died in his throat. Yaku just wanted to help. He didn’t fully understand why Lev was upset, but all he wanted to do was make him feel better. 

He wanted to help and all Lev was doing was pushing him away. It wasn’t fair, Lev wasn’t being fair to him. 

But how was he supposed to explain that Yaku was the problem? How was he supposed to explain that being around him would make the situation worse, not better? 

He couldn’t, so he accepted the offer. 

Yaku’s face lit up, though he was making an effort to hide the fact. He nodded cooly. 

“Sweet, I’ll text you the details later then.”

The two parted ways a few minutes later, and Lev headed inside without looking back. The front door closed with a click and he rested his head against it, letting out a long sigh. What was he going to do with himself? 

… oh shit, what was he going to wear tomorrow?

“Alisa!” He called out, and then inwardly cringed. This was going to be a very long conversation. 

\------

Yaku flicked through his wardrobe, fingers dancing over the coat hangers. He wasn’t really the kind of person who had a good sense of fashion, but he wanted to look nice for tomorrow. All things considered, he probably didn’t need to choose an outfit the night before, but he was talking on the phone to Kuroo and he needed to do something with his hands, lest he ripped his hair out from annoyance. His fingers landed on a pink button up, and he took it out and threw it on the bed, where a pile of clothes was steadily accumulating. 

“I can’t believe you asked him out on a date.” Came Kuroo’s voice from somewhere on Yaku’s desk. He sighed as he continued to sort through his wardrobe. 

“It’s not a date.”

“You have a crush on him and you asked him out.” Kuroo teased. “That’s basically a date.” Yaku threw a pair of jeans onto his bed before running his fingers through his hair. 

“I felt bad, okay? Especially since I encouraged him to confess after it obviously didn’t go well the first time. And then gets his heart broken? He doesn’t deserve that…”

“Why didn’t you encourage him in the first place anyway?” He asked. “Seems kind of counterproductive to what you want.” Yaku rubbed his face. 

“I don’t know!” He moaned. “I just wanted him to be happy. If I knew it was going to backfire so badly I wouldn’t have done it.” It had been a real shock when Yaku had walked in on the first years arguing. He really didn’t mean to eavesdrop on them. Truthfully, he just came back for his jacket, but when he heard the ruckus he assumed there was a fight of some sort, and he was preparing to intervene and chastise the four of them, when he caught the end of Lev’s rant. 

_“No amount of_ thinking _is going to make him like me.” He snapped. “I’m done… No more confessions, no more schemes. I’m sick of my feelings being treated like a joke by everyone. If he does like me, which he_ doesn’t, _by the way, then he can damn well confess himself!”_

_Yaku opened the door without thinking it through properly, and the five of them stared at each other in shock._

There were several elements that caught Yaku off guard by the situation. For one, he had never heard Lev raise his voice before, or, really, look anything but upbeat. It had upset Yaku to see Lev so frustrated, and to learn that he had feelings for someone else. He was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t even register the “he” pronouns until later, instead just spouting out some encouragement and hurrying away. He regretted it though, and the knowledge that his advice had led Lev to get hurt so bad had been eating away at him all afternoon. 

“And so now you’re going to take him out on a date and seduce him.” Kuroo remarked, and Yaku could hear the obnoxious grin in his voice. 

“No! God you’re annoying, I just wanted to make him feel better.” He sat down on an empty patch of space on the bed, squeezing the side of the mattress with his fingers. “... do you think it’s a good idea after all? Or am I going too far?” Catching the nervousness in his tone, Kuroo turned serious again. 

“Yeah, I think it’s really nice. It’ll be fine.” 

Lev’s behaviour had struck Yaku as odd that morning, but he didn’t really speculate on it. It wasn’t until Kuroo pulled him aside during afternoon practice that he began to worry. 

_“Hey, did something happen between you and Lev during your walk home last night?” Kuroo had his arms crossed as he stared at him._

_“No? Everything seemed pretty normal.” Yaku thought back to the previous night, and something clicked. “Actually, now that I think about it, he did seem kind of sad.” He licked his lips thoughtfully. “I should probably go check on him.”_

He felt stupid that he hadn’t picked up on it before. Deep down he knew something was off, the way Lev had bushed him off and dodged his questions was definitely unusual. 

_“You know me, always talking nonsense, I don’t think you would have cared much anyway.”_

In the moment Yaku could only think about how much he disagreed, because, despite the ridiculous and stupid things Lev says, Yaku couldn’t help but find them endlessly endearing. He wanted to tell him otherwise, but he was bad at being honest and even worse at knowing what to say to people. He shouldn’t have just walked away, he should have pushed more, should have paid more attention. 

When Yaku walked back into the gym to resume practice, it became extremely apparent how strange Lev was acting. He was usually so open and honest, but he had closed himself off and was trying so hard to hide himself. 

He made the effort to pry, tried to get him to open up. 

_“The whole team is really concerned…” I’m really concerned_ , is what he had wanted to say, and when Lev told him that he had gotten rejected, it genuinely shocked him. He couldn’t believe it, and it hurt him to hear. 

He could imagine it, sweet, bubbly Lev pouring his heart out to someone––being unabashedly honest as he often was––how could anyone possibly reject him? 

Yaku watched the way his lip trembled, how his eyes turned glassy and tears lined the edges of his eyelashes. Lev was like a porcelain doll, pretty and delicate, and in that moment Yaku hated whoever could break his heart so viciously to bring him tears; to make someone with such a bright soul so sad. 

It was despicable, really. Absolutely unforgivable. 

Yaku had reached out to him, but had no idea how to comfort him. He tried to give him reassurance and sent him outside for some space. It wasn’t enough though, and he spent the rest of practice trying to figure out how to make him feel better. 

The plan came to him as he and the other third years were on their way out of the school, and impulsively he told them to go home without him. Then, he waited for Lev at the gate, feeling rather foolish and wondering whether it was the right thing to do. The two of them had never hung out after school before, unless you count the study session the previous weekend, so the suggestion would really be coming out of nowhere. 

Maybe it was crossing a line, but Yaku couldn’t find it in himself to care. He needed to do something, and this was the best he had. 

Yaku looked at the mess of clothes on his bed. Maybe it was a date, in a small way. It wasn’t Yaku’s intention to trick him into going out with him, more, he wanted to show Lev that he deserved better. That he deserved to be happy and deserved someone who would treat him well and not break his heart at the first opportunity. (And hopefully not to imply that Yaku was that better option. As much as he wanted Lev to think that, he didn’t want to push his feelings onto him, especially when he was feeling so vulnerable.)

It was a platonic date. A friend date, though that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to dress nicely for it.

“Are you still there?” Kuroo asked after a moment. Yaku shook his head of his thoughts and stood, making his way towards his desk. 

“Yeah, sorry, I got distracted.” He rummaged through the pile of paper until he found where his phone was hiding. “I’m gonna facetime you and I need you to tell me which outfit is the best.” 

He propped the phone up on his shelf before grabbing the pink button up and holding it to his chest. 

“If you wore that you wouldn’t even need to come out to him. Do you have any shirts that say ‘I’m a homosexual’? I think that would be subtler.” Yaku chucked the shirt back on the bed. 

“Oh fuck off.”

\------

“Good luck with your date tomorrow~” Kuroo sang. 

“For the last it’s not––oh whatever. I’ll talk to you later.” Yaku sputtered, before promptly hanging up. Kuroo chuckled and leaned back on the couch, watching Kenma playing his video game. 

“You’re kind of mean Kuroo.” Kenma muttered from the floor amongst clicking his controller. He had a tendency to sit on the floor whenever he played games, not that Kuroo had a problem with it. More space on the couch for him. He shrugged. 

“Maybe.”

“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell them.” Kenma’s eyes were trained on the TV, his fingers flicking between the controls with expert precision. “You could have avoided this whole situation.” 

“This is the kind of thing they have to figure out for themselves.” Kuroo said, reclining into the cushions further. He added with a small grin, “Besides, it’s hilarious to watch.” Kenma’s face with neutral, but he clicked his tongue, the only sign of his disapproval. He spoke after a moment. 

“You’re cruel.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.” He shrugged again, though Kenma couldn’t see it. Perhaps he was being a little cruel, but it was his job as captain to look after his teammates. The two of them needed to discover their feelings for each other themselves, and, well, if it took a series of unfortunate fumbles for them to finally confess, so be it. The entertainment that the situation brought was just an added bonus. Kuroo stretched his arms above his head. 

“You’ll understand when you’re older.” He said, and to that, Kenma turned around and smacked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> I'm very sorry this chapter took so long, I've been so busy with school work I've barely had any time to write. This chapter was very enjoyable to write though, I've been looking forward to writing the scene from Yaku's perspective since the very beginning, so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. It was nice to write from Yaku's POV again, considering all my other Yaku/Lev fics are in his perspective. 
> 
> AH, oh my goodness, only one more chapter to go!! I can't believe we're nearing the end already. I'm very excited for this next chapter, it's likely going to be longer than this one as well so that's definitely something to look forward to. It's also likely going to take a long while to write, due to length, my busy schedule, and my intention to make it a really polished and satisfying ending. I'll do my very best though!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and thank you for the nice comments you guys have been leaving! I'm kind of shit when it comes to replying to comments, but I do read all of them and I really appreciate your kind words. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll see you again hopefully fairly soon. Bye!


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